best alibi ever
A Macduff woman described yesterday how she opened the loft hatch at her house and was confronted by her next-door neighbour, with whom she previously had a relationship.
…
She told the court that, at about 8pm on February 23, she went upstairs at her home and found dust marks on the landing carpet under the loft hatch.
She said: “I went down on my hands and knees and rubbed it, because I found it very peculiar.
“I heard a strange noise from the attic, which made me think something was wrong, and I went to my wardrobe for a stepladder and opened the hatch.
“I saw Donald, and he said: ‘I wasn’t here’ and flew out of it and down the stairs shouting and howling.”
Why am I picturing his court proceedings in the following vein:
PROSECUTION: On the night of the incident in question, did you make your way into Ms. Milne’s loft?
ACCUSED: Nuh-huh.
PROSECUTION: Pardon me?
ACCUSED: I know you are but what am I?
PROSECUTION: Wha-?
ACCUSED: LALALALA!!! I’m not listening!
PROSECUTION: Your honour, I object.
JUDGE: Mr. Donald, do I have to remind you that this is a court of law?
ACCUSED: (Dummy says “what”.)
JUDGE: What?
ACCUSED: Heh. You’re a dummy. No returnsees.
JUDGE: Mr. Donald, I find you in contempt. Baliff, please issue two noogies and an atomic wedgie to the witness. Court is now in recess. I get firsties on the swingset.
