the month of me: my lovely wife, the critic

(Here is where I reveal to you that not every word that I post on this site may be 100% factual. Probably more like 96.3%. That 3.7% is to keep the crazies interested. You know who you are.)

Whenever I tell My Lovely Wife that I have mentioned her on this site, she does not then read the post in question. Oh no. My Lovely Wife then asks me to tell her what I posted. And a summary will not do — no, she expects me to relate her, as close to word-perfect as I can, the exact contents of the post. And I do.

And then stuff like this happens to me:

Me: “I wrote about you and the chicken skins today.”

My Lovely Wife: “Oh god. What did you say?”

Me: “Ummm… Let’s see… ‘Since I was going to Ultimate right after work, My Lovely Wife and I went to Sobeys on the way home to pick up a piece of chicken for her supper… But when we got to the deli counter, I immediately saw a sign on the counter that read “10 Pieces of Chicken — $10.00″. As bargains are known to twist my brain like playdough, I pointed at the sign and said, “Uhn! Unh! Unh!”, which the guy behind the counter knew to be code for “May we please have the 10 pieces of chicken, my fine fellow?” Well, My Lovely Wife–’”

My Lovely Wife: “That didn’t happen.”

Me: “What?”

My Lovely Wife: “You didn’t say ‘Uhn! Uhn! Uhn!’”

Me: “Wha- but… it’s the idea of the situation. I’m just trying to punch it up–”

My Lovely Wife: “But you didn’t say that.”

Me: “Oh, that doesn’t matter — it’s funnier. I’m just spicing it up a bit to–

My Lovely Wife: “Whatever, James Frey. Go on.”


4 Responses to “the month of me: my lovely wife, the critic”

  1. Otto Says:

    Jason,

    don’t you think this month-of-me is getting a little self-indulgent?

    I am enjoying it, however. And learning more about you.

    Learning that you’re self-indulgent.

    Keep up the good work.

  2. sween Says:

    That’s it. You will now get the smackdown.

  3. mike Says:

    Oooh. James Frey?

    Ouch.

    In your defense, not only could we as husbands not post the actual goings on of our lives for fear of losing all readership (and possibly endangering countless jobs due to our few remaining readers falling asleep at their respective desks), but we also could not wait to have words and pictures cleared by our (respective) lovely wives for fear of careful, conscious reconsideration which ultimately could lead to never posting again. Ahh, foolhardy impulse, how I love thee.

  4. sween Says:

    I too love thee, foolhardy impulse. And I also fear that thy role in causing my most recent post shall get me killed.

    Alas.