Every morning, when I finish my shower and leave the bathroom, The Small One is outside waiting for me.

I bend down and rub him.

I head into the bedroom. He follows.

I go to my dresser and grab some socks and undies.

Then I bend down and rub him.

I put on the socks and undies.

Then I bend down and rub him.

He jumps on the bed. I go to the closet and grab a shirt and put it on. He rolls over on the bed and exposes his belly.

I bend down and rub him.

I grab some pants and put them on.

I bend down and rub him.

And then the attack begins.

Every single sharp bit of him closes on my hand like a bear-trap — his front paws wrap around and dig in with his still kitten-sharp claws, his teeth begin gnawing on whichever finger is closest, and his back legs just start kicking at my hand like it’s a calisthenic and he’s trying to work off some extra slices of pizza.

I move my hand around the bed, and he gets dragged along with it, not letting go one iota.

So, just when the pain begins to sidle up to unbearable, I tap him on the head with my other hand. His attention is immediately shifted to the new target and he releases the now psychologically-scarred war refugee that used to be my hand. But before he can fully unleash a new can of whuppass on the new hand, I pull my whole body away quickly, with him swinging madly for whatever body part is closest.

Then I grab my belt and put it on.

And then… I bend down and rub him again.

And he attacks again.

And so on, until I’m fully dressed… or I pass out from the blood loss. (Thank goodness for hardwood floors.)

This happens every morning. He never attacks me or anyone else at any other time. Just me and just when I’m getting dressed.

Sometimes I put a thick sock over my hand and really let him go crazy. Sometimes, I don’t put the sock on and he still goes crazy. And then I need to visit the Good Ship Bandaid.

But it’s our thing, and so it shall continue.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 17th, 2006 at 11:46 am and is filed under , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.