archive for April 2006

nintendo planning to cause some awful schoolyard taunting

Their new multi-billion dollar entry into the hyper-competitive gaming market is called Wii.

Pronounced “we.”

Oh.

I’m sure there are ten good reasons to choose this name. I can’t think of one of them.

One should always be very careful in naming anything.

Of course, speaking from personal experience, certain circumstances are unavoidable.

The personal experience of which I speak?

“Jason’s weenie”.

(Repress. Bury the memories. Repress. Repress.)

Be careful in that schoolyard there, Nintendo. It’ll be rough.

15 failed precursors to “more fun than a barrel of monkeys”

  1. “more fun than a damp paper bag of monkeys”
  2. “more fun than a courier bag of monkeys”
  3. “more fun than a CD jewel case of monkeys”
  4. “more fun than the trunk of a 1972 Dodge Dart of monkeys”
  5. “more fun than a walk-in freezer of monkeys”
  6. “more fun than a slurry of monkeys”
  7. “more fun than a distributed peer-to-peer network of monkeys”
  8. “more fun than a battalion of super-intelligent cybernetic soldier monkeys”
  9. “more fun than an apocalyptic rain of monkeys”
  10. “more fun than a dystopian future history of damn dirty apes”
  11. “more fun than a barrel containing a single monkey”
  12. “more fun than a barrel containing a succession of ever-smaller barrels”
  13. “more fun than a barrel of monks”
  14. “more fun than a barrel of monkfish”
  15. “more fun than Benjamin Disraeli”

one big sigh of relief

And here we go….

SIGH!

Just got my final mark on my databases course: B.

It is the lowest mark I have received so far on this (painfully Sisyphean) journey towards a part-time Bachelor of Computer Science degree, but… having failed to hand in two whole assignments worth a total of 10% of my final mark (due to a faulty brain that couldn’t grasp how to do them until it was far too late), I consider this a win.

I would like to thank the Cookies of Smartness sent in by everyone. They seem to have done the trick.

Now, I’m taking the summer off classes, which should be just enough time to forget everything I’ve ever learned. Cookies of Dumbness for everyone!

In honour of this happy occasion, here’s a picture of a turtle:

go turtle!

Every happy occasion needs a turtle. (This is an obvious corollary to the Rule of Monkeys.)

nothing up my sleeve… please don’t kill me

making you root for voldemort

He made 13 people disappear into thin air during his Kravis Center show Sunday night, but magician David Copperfield couldn’t duplicate the feat with armed teens who robbed him and two women near the venue two hours later.

[...]

According to the police report, this is what happened next: The Malibu pulled up behind the group, and two of the four young men in the car came out holding handguns. One ordered Daly to “give me what you have.” Daly handed over $400 from her pockets. Riley, meanwhile, allegedly stuck a gun in Volmut’s face and asked for her purse, and she, too, gave it up. In it were 200 euros, $100, her passport, plane tickets and a Razr cellphone.

When Copperfield’s turn came, Riley was bamboozled.

Copperfield told Page Two he pulled out all of his pockets for Riley to see he had nothing, even though he had a cellphone, passport and wallet stuffed in them.

“Call it reverse pickpocketing,” Copperfield said.

I can’t quite tell if this is the coolest thing ever or an act of supreme dickwadery. It worked, so it’s cool.

But if I was one of the women he was with I’d be wondering, “Yo! Magic boy! Why don’t you send some of that friggin’ legerdemain this way? Dickwad.”

sleep… that elusive devil

can't... sleep...

Quick update admidst the inane patter.

My Lovely Wife is still beset with insomnia… four weeks and counting.

We have tried everything except hanging her doctor outside a 20-storey window in a demand for drugs that actually work and a diagnosis that actually explains WHY My Lovely Wife can’t sleep.

But I think it’s coming up the queue soon. Wish us luck!