putty-nosed monkey can talk; not yet added to ranks of sparkling conversationalists
The first evidence monkeys can string “words” together to communicate in a similar way to humans, has been found.
Putty-nosed monkeys in West Africa share the human ability to combine different sounds to mean different things, according to researchers.
Yeah. Fine. Putty-nosed monkeys can talk.
But do they listen?
I mean, really listen.
Oh yeah, fine, so the putty-nosed monkey can form primitive sentences by ignoring “the usual relationship between an individual call and any meaning that it might convey under certain circumstances”. Well, la-dee-da.
But late at night, when life just seems so hard, and you need a shoulder to cry on and a friendly ear to pour your fears and insecurities into, will the putty-nosed monkey be there for you? Really there for you?
When you find out that your boyfriend has been seen at the movies with that blonde bimbo Angie from Marketing, the one that he said was “way too plastic” when you asked what he thought of her, and now he’s broken your heart into a million pieces and yet you still want to take him back, will the putty-nosed monkey hold your hand and tell you that you’re too good for him?
When your mother calls and tells you all about Sandra Ostler from down the street the one that used to wear the retainer who’s married now to a nice pediatrician and has a lovely little boy and are you still seeing that lovely Robert and why haven’t you come to visit, will the putty-nosed monkey show up at your door with a bottle of Pinot Noir and stay and listen to you bitch about your mother for the rest of the night? Will the Pinot Noir be any good? Or will the putty-nosed monkey just show up with a cheap Merlot and tell you that you have it easy because putty-nosed monkey’s mother was trampled by a rhino so you shouldn’t complain and can we just watch Grey’s Anatomy and try to have some fun?
Ladies and gentlemen, I say the jury is still out on that.
Putty-nosed monkey: Great talker, shitty listener
May 18th, 2006 at 4:09 pm
Way too funny. Thank you for bringing a laugh to my otherwise sh*tty afternoon. I’m sure the putty-nosed monkey would never have done as well given similar material to riff on. Screw the putty-nosed monkey!
(Or maybe not. Ugh.)
May 19th, 2006 at 8:12 am
God! Can you imagine the crappy blog the putty-nosed monkey would put out there? Probably nothing but reposting Dilbert comics and American Idol recaps… *shudder*
Stupid putty-nosed monkey.
May 19th, 2006 at 9:18 am
Screw the putty-nosed monkey!
(Or maybe not. Ugh.)
Don’t be so quick to judge… it looks like it’s happened before.
May 19th, 2006 at 10:43 am
oh, believe me, they might pretend to listen, but all the while they are just trying to get inside your blouse while “rubbing your back” soothingly. assholes. on my various dates with the species I found that i could reflect on the evening, and the fucker had not asked me one solitary question about myself. i, on the other hand, would know way too much about his prior relationship that he was “still getting over,” or his love for fine malt whiskey and bungee jumping. self-absorbed doesn’t even cut it.
May 19th, 2006 at 12:57 pm
Okay, dude, you MUST get this book. And soon.
May 19th, 2006 at 3:00 pm
Joy: Man, putty-nosed monkey is such a jerk. (But, if you’re interested, I know a really sweet howler monkey. He does have two kids from a previous marriage, but he’s a lot of fun. And he’s a great dancer.)
Ramzi: Wow. That does seem aimed vaguely up my alley.