how i got violated and still came out a winner
Or, “How I rocked the house and nobody noticed because they were all horribly embarrassed for me”
Day 2 of Nationals. We’re playing against Smell My Mule from Ottawa. I’m on the field and we are on defence.
I’m trailing behind the player that I’m covering as he runs towards the thrower, keeping pace but trying to to let him “appear” open.
It works. The thrower sees him coming towards him and throws the disc to him.
I take one more step and then dive alongside him, arm reaching out to knock the disc away. He also dives, trying to get to the disc before me.
I get there first, knocking the disc to the ground.
Objective achieved, I proceed to slide along the turf, underneath the other player, whose dive has sent him on a trajectory parallel to mine, but about half a foot higher.
A second passes and then I come to rest.
With the other player lying completely on top of me.
I can see the thought bubbles that appear in the air above us for the next few moments:
ME: Anything hurt?… No! I’m good!
HIM: Anything hurt?… No! I’m good!
ME: Did I foul him?… No! Yay me!
HIM: Did he foul me?… No! Crap!
[Pause.]
ME: Hmmm… why is he still lying on top of me?…
HIM: Well… I better salvage something out of this debacle…
And then, with great deliberation, he proceeds to thrust his groin against my backside one-two-three times.
[Ed. Note: Oh yeah, that's gonna get me some great Google results.]
Everyone loses it — guffaws, giggles, and belly laughs all round. I shake my head and give him his moment. He gets off me and then I stand up. The point starts back up again and we go on to score the point.
Stepping off the field, I expect to get hand-slaps and hear lots of “Great D, man!” or “Sweet layout!” or stuff like that.
Instead… I get head shakes. And pity.
And “Oh man, he violated you!”.
…
I don’t know as I really have a moral for this story.
Maybe… “Look for affirmation from within”.
Or “Some days, it just doesn’t pay to step on the field”.
Or “Don’t put out on the first date”.
Hmmm. I’ll get back to you on this one.
…
I need a cookie.
August 31st, 2006 at 11:33 am
So, did you two hook up at the Party?
(That was an awesome play, btw. Effective and hilarious all at once.)
August 31st, 2006 at 12:18 pm
I’m eating a cookie as I write this, if that helps.
This reminds me of the worst thing I ever saw on a softball field. The umpire went out from behind home to dust off the plate. Now, if you’re familiar with that procedure, you know that he faces the plate and bends over at the waist while doing the brushing. Damned if I know what posessed him to do this, but the batter due up next took a step out of the box to directly behind the ump, put his hands out in front of him at approximately the umpire’s hip level (but not actually touching him, of course) and started pantomiming the same sort of thing you had happen to you. I was playing first base, so had almost the perfect angle to maximize the visual effect, such as it was.
We were getting our butts whipped at the time, so I was praying that the ump would turn around, catch him at it, and maybe forfeit the game to us. No such luck.
August 31st, 2006 at 4:39 pm
*snicker* Did he at least call you the next day?
August 31st, 2006 at 11:27 pm
*I* believe you when you say you didn’t like it.
September 6th, 2006 at 3:18 pm
You know, you can all just SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!
September 6th, 2006 at 3:19 pm
[sob]