WARNING! DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SNORGLE THE BELLY. HEARTRENDING DISAPPOINTMENT IS CERTAIN TO FOLLOW WHEN TACTILE SENSATION DOES NOT MEET SNORGLING EXPECTATIONS. ALSO, IMPACT WITH MONITOR SURFACES MAY LEAD TO BRUISED NOSES. SIMPLY BACK AWAY FROM THE MONITOR AND RELIEVE SNORGLING URGES WITH AN INFUSION OF WARM COOKIES AND CREAM SODA.
And for the truly brave among you… SNORGLE CLOSE-UP!
A Nigerian murder suspect accused of killing his brother with an axe told police investigators he actually attacked a goat, which was only later magically transformed into his sibling’s corpse, officials said Thursday.
Ah! The old “Goat Magically Tranformed into Sibling’s Corpse” Defence. Brilliant!
Of course, Nigerians seem to have an… “interesting” criminal history:
Murder suspects in Nigeria, where many people believe in black magic, sometimes claim spirits tricked them into killing. In 2001, eight people were burned to death after one person in their group was accused of making a bystander’s penis magically disappear.
Hey, I’m not making this crap up. I’m just sharing the mind-bogglitude.
(But really — what’s up with the goats?! I’m not trying here. They. Just. Won’t. Stop.)
Two Things:
1. I received yesterday what may go down in history as the most appropriate birthday gift I have ever received, from the dynamic duo of Ramzi and Alison (she of the fearsome mastery of concert-attendence):
I received a monkey.
A small stuffed monkey.
A small stuffed monkey with a mask and a cape.
A small stuffed monkey with a mask and a cape with elastics in the arms to enable flights of a truly impressive length.
A small stuffed monkey with a mask and a cape with elastics in the arms to enable flights of a truly impressive length that shrieks piercing monkey noises while flying through the air.
I promise, pictures — and maybe video — are forthcoming.
…
2. Dinner last night was to consist of steaks cooked on the barbeque. So, I went out to the deck, started up the grill, and went back inside to let the grill warm up.
However, when I went out ten minutes later to put the steaks on the grill, something was a little off.
Off in the sense that JETS OF FLAME WERE SHOOTING OUT THE BOTTOM OF THE GRILL ABOUT 10 INCHES FROM THE PROPANE TANK.
Suffice it to say, I promptly turned the grill off.
Seems the connection between the hose from the propane tank and the grill itself had broken completely off.
The steaks got cooked on the stove and everyone is still alive.
But we need a new barbeque. Crap.
Still… avoiding flaming explosive death is always a plus.
