• Whatever: “Clearly You People Thought I Was Kidding” (via mefi)

A koan:

A monk asked Zhaozhou, “Why is bacon taped to the cat?” Zhaozhou said, “Mu.”

…

(What? Too esoterrific?)

And because My Lovely Wife was utterly horrified by my improvised Birthday serenade to myself this morning… I will of course now share the lyrics of this destined-to-be-a-classic with you, my trans-fat-free readers:

Happy Birthday to me,
I dri-ink my pee,
It tastes like weak tea,
I’m allergic to bees.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

…

Three items to note:

1. For the record, I do not actually drink my pee nor am I aware of whether or not my pee is redolent of weak tea. I leave that to others to discover. At their peril.
2. I am not actually allergic to bees. Wasp stings… yes. Which cuts down heavily on my wasp-sting cookie intake.
3. My Lovely Wife horrifies frighteningly easily. Just watch her eyes when I dance. It’s quite heartbreaking.

• BBC News: “Sudan man forced to ‘marry’ goat” (via linkbunnies)

Best quote: “We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together.”

(But, I mean really? What’s with all the goats?)

… goat-free roads.

(via)

(Apologies for the silence on the SMP front. Busy, busy week. Hopefully, a return to inane chatter next week.)

(We can all hope.)

Annoying: Dreaming about tidying a bedroom (not my real bedroom but my real bedroom in my dream) and just when I had everything clean every single piece of glass in the room shatters, coating the carpet. We’re talking a full inch of broken glass over the entire carpet. And I know that I have to clean it all up.

More annoying: Later in the same dream, rushing to get a lasagna out of the oven in the hall — why the oven is in the hall and why I’m rushing to get a lasagna out of it I have no idea — so I take the shortcut through the bedroom…

AND CUT MY FEET TO RIBBONS ON THE GLASS.

THAT I DIDN’T CLEAN UP.

Valuable dream-time is then occupied by me picking out shards of glass and bandaging my feet. And muttering.

Most annoying: Even later in the same dream I’m looking for a roll of tape to seal off the bathroom door so people can’t smell the stench coming out of the bathroom — which would ruin my attempt to sell a collection of rare books to the book dealer that was currently chatting to my grandparents and no I don’t know why I was selling the books or why my grandparents were there or even if they enjoyed the lasagna I don’t even know if the lasagna had anything to do with the stench coming out of the bathroom but I can assume and seriously what the heck is my subconscious trying to tell me with the whole bathroom stench thing — when I remember that I last saw the tape on the dresser in the bedroom so I run into the bedroom to grab the tape…

AND CUT MY FEET TO RIBBONS ON THE GLASS.

AGAIN.

THE GLASS THAT I STILL DIDN’T CLEAN UP.

And I stand there, amidst the pain of having my feet cut to ribbons for the second time in one dream, and all I can think is:

“THIS IS THE STUPIDEST DREAM EVER.”