postscript to “i am minus all my buh-jeezus”
ME: I wrote that post.
MY LOVELY WIFE: Which one?
ME: You know — “It took you FIVE SECONDS TO GET HERE!”
[Pause]
MY LOVELY WIFE: I told you not to post that.
ME: Well… when I first mentioned it you said no… but later on, when I mentioned it, you said, “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
MY LOVELY WIFE: Ah. Now you’re using creative imaginary memory processes.
ME: “Creative imaginary memory processes”?
MY LOVELY WIFE: Yes, you heard me.
ME: Well… I can take it down if you want…
MY LOVELY WIFE: No, no. It’s up now. Just know, that someday, when you’re least expecting it, I will get you back.
ME: Really?
MY LOVELY WIFE: No. I’m just joking.
[Pause]
MY LOVELY WIFE: Or am I?
…
I love that woman.
October 31st, 2006 at 5:16 pm
I guess you’ll have to start training for those stair emergencies. See if you can get your time down to 4 seconds, maybe 3.5. And you should also practice starting from various upstairs rooms, since you can’t always count on being in the dining room when Beth falls.
But whatever you do, for God’s sake don’t put anything on your slick hardwood stairs to make them safer in the first place (as your Dad has suggested more than once). Because while traction is cool, wallslapping, catleaping, and hyperventilating are so much more invigorating.
::. dad (I’m hot!)
October 31st, 2006 at 9:37 pm
Jason’s dad: Why yes you are!
Sween, speaking as a wife, keeping you in a constant state of bewildered befuddlement is for your own good. We do it because we love you. Really!
Now, wives don’t expect y’all to understand exactly how it is to your own betterment to be in said state because its veeeery complicated. Best you should just always be grateful for our devotion to you being in said state, and buy us shiny gifts. OFTEN.
Now..go have a cookie. :oD
October 31st, 2006 at 10:16 pm
I bet you blogged it faster than the five seconds it took you to get to Beth.
On a side note, I just had drinks with Lisa Griffin. She’s still very funny when she’s drunk. She says “Holy shit! JASON SWEENEY!!!”
and check out our dog’s first trick - go to www.ottochung.com/dogblog
November 1st, 2006 at 10:48 am
Dad: Funny, funny man. My second worry when I posted all this was, “Dad is so gonna jump down my throat over this.”
Of course, my first worry was, “My Lovely Wife is gonna kiiiiiill meeee…”
Alison: I thought that might be the case, but I really wasn’t cert- OH! OH! OH! COOKIES!!
Otto: I’ll have you know I waited three days before posting this. Mainly to work up the courage to DEFY MY LOVELY WIFE.
Say “Holy shit! LISA GRIFFIN!!!” right back at her for me.