A scene from our morning.
ME: Here’s your breakfast, Sweetie.
MY LOVELY WIFE: Thanks for the blueberries in my cereal.
ME: Hey! You want to see my blueberry impression? [Masterful impersonation of a blueberry.]
MY LOVELY WIFE: You look like an angry monkey holding his breath.
Authors write six word short stories.
I must try my neophyte hand.
…
Godzilla takes holiday. Disneyland utterly destroyed.
…
He regretted peeing in the shower.
…
Aliens land on Earth. Wackiness ensues!
…
William Tell suddenly childless. Apple unscathed.
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Firestorms incinerating Mercury, he regretted nothing.
…
Underestimating the kittens was humanity’s downfall.
…
Once upon a time the end.
where is that notice? is it in the May 2007 folder WHAT IS THIS?? A SKOR BAR SQUARE?? FOR ME?? ohohohohoh skorbarsquare skorbarsquare skorbarsquare iloveskorbarsquare OH NO! skorbarsquare crumb has just fallen in my lap WAIT no one saw pick it up eat it GOOD I’m in the clear quick get a kleenex under the square musn’t lose precious skorbarsquare bits first bite ohohohOHOHOH it’s SO GOOD everyday should be skorbarsquare day second bite OHOHOHOHOH why don’t I make skorbarsquares these are the BEST THINGS EVER I should dedicate my life to eating skorbarsquares third bite O DEAREST SKORBARSQUARE don’t ever leave me we are made for one another it’s like romeo and juliet fourth bite most delicious mmmmMMMMmmm thing ever in my mouth whatwhatwhat? NO MORE SKORBARSQUARE?? AAAAAH! it’s gone it’s gone it’s gone this day sucks why was I ever taunted with the skorbarsquare? QUICK eat crumbs in kleenex AH! kleenex bits in my mouth! PPHT! PPHT! PPHT! gah horrible kleenex ruining skorbarsquare bits grrrrrrrr stupid skorbarsquare taunting me with your delicious ephemerality is that even a word? googlegooglegoogle oh it is a word.
After a parent complained about the “sex, death and general mayhem” in newspapers, a suburban elementary school here decided to cut off students’ access to free copies provided by the St. Paul Pioneer Press.
…
The parent of a 7-year old sent the school an e-mail last week complaining that the newspaper is “not appropriate reading material for elementary-aged kids.”
Deerwood Elementary’s media director offered to not make the paper available to her child, but continue allowing other students ready access to the newspaper.
The parent rejected that, saying it “would silently endorse the kids reading them. It’s like leaving a loaded gun on the table.”
Forbidding her child “to take one will only make the paper a fascinating forbidden fruit,” the parent, who was not named, said in a message quoted by KARE-TV on Thursday. “We don’t want (child’s name) exposed to the sex, death and general mayhem that have become the standard fodder for newspapers and TV news. We are not just trying to protect our child but all the kids (child’s name) goes to school with and lives in the world with.”
The principal then blocked all students from having ready access to the newspapers. They are now left behind the counter, where they remain available to teachers and staff. Haugen said students can still see them, if they ask.
So… not only does this parent feel that their child should be crammed back into the womb to protect them, it seems they feel the need to jam everyone else’s kids back up there too.
Nice.
How much of a friggin’ unholy uproar would ensue if a parent tried to ban the freaking BIBLE from kids?
And that thing’s scary…
If you’re like me, you are constantly looking for the latest in time-wasting tools. Allow me to share two beautiful ways to effortlessly waste the minutes and hours left until your inevitable (and likely scandalous and moist) death.
Fire arrows. Kill the invading hordes. Get experience. Buy better abilities and new arrows. Fire more arrows. Get more archers. Catapults. Fire more arrows. Note the moss growing on your extremities. Fire more arrows.
Draw a hill. Click “Play”. Watch the man slide down the hill.
That’s it.
Think that’s not interesting? Fools. Just give it a shot. Ye shall be SUCKED IN!
And to give you an idea of what’s possible…
That’s all I got fer ya today. Rock it, space cowboys.
