• Startribune.com: “Deerwood Elementary cuts off student access to newspapers” (via A Work in Progress)

After a parent complained about the “sex, death and general mayhem” in newspapers, a suburban elementary school here decided to cut off students’ access to free copies provided by the St. Paul Pioneer Press.

…

The parent of a 7-year old sent the school an e-mail last week complaining that the newspaper is “not appropriate reading material for elementary-aged kids.”

Deerwood Elementary’s media director offered to not make the paper available to her child, but continue allowing other students ready access to the newspaper.

The parent rejected that, saying it “would silently endorse the kids reading them. It’s like leaving a loaded gun on the table.”

Forbidding her child “to take one will only make the paper a fascinating forbidden fruit,” the parent, who was not named, said in a message quoted by KARE-TV on Thursday. “We don’t want (child’s name) exposed to the sex, death and general mayhem that have become the standard fodder for newspapers and TV news. We are not just trying to protect our child but all the kids (child’s name) goes to school with and lives in the world with.”

The principal then blocked all students from having ready access to the newspapers. They are now left behind the counter, where they remain available to teachers and staff. Haugen said students can still see them, if they ask.

So… not only does this parent feel that their child should be crammed back into the womb to protect them, it seems they feel the need to jam everyone else’s kids back up there too.

Nice.

How much of a friggin’ unholy uproar would ensue if a parent tried to ban the freaking BIBLE from kids?

And that thing’s scary…

If you’re like me, you are constantly looking for the latest in time-wasting tools. Allow me to share two beautiful ways to effortlessly waste the minutes and hours left until your inevitable (and likely scandalous and moist) death.

• Jason Reinsvold’s BowMaster

Fire arrows. Kill the invading hordes. Get experience. Buy better abilities and new arrows. Fire more arrows. Get more archers. Catapults. Fire more arrows. Note the moss growing on your extremities. Fire more arrows.

• deviantART: “Line Rider” (via lifehacker)

Draw a hill. Click “Play”. Watch the man slide down the hill.

That’s it.

Think that’s not interesting? Fools. Just give it a shot. Ye shall be SUCKED IN!

And to give you an idea of what’s possible…

• YouTube: “Line Rider - Jagged Peak Adventure” (via digg)
• Kris Abel Blog: “Cool Link - Line Rider”

That’s all I got fer ya today. Rock it, space cowboys.

It seems that The Golden Child has a brand new little sister.

And I have a brand new niece.

The audience for my comedic brilliance is growing…

I’m back at work today, revolting my co-workers with lamentably audible sneezing and expectoration.

Yummy.

Still can’t breathe very well, but I’m better than yesterday. Walking is still tiring, but my back isn’t clenched and aching quite as much from the laboured breathing, so that’s an improvement.

My office is very much a “stay the hell home until you’re better because we don’t want what you got” environment. People have repeatedly said to me, “Please do [insert boring task here]… AND THEN GO HOME.”

But we’re having cheesecake this afternoon and I ain’t missing that.

It’s certain to do wonders for my phlegm production.

(Space Monkey Pants — now offering 20% more nausea!)