proof of evolution #852
Pooping.
I mean, REALLY?
That’s the BEST WAY to remove (pun completely intended) CRAP FROM OUR BODIES?
Even when it’s working at optimal levels, it’s still COMPLETELY HORRIBLE.
Seriously, if this thing was designed in any way — whether it be by a bearded omnipotent in a flowing robe or a subcommittee of slightly near-sighted turtles — we would have seen some massively DRASTIC upgrades to the procedure by now.
Area needing improvement that I’ve come up with (albeit with very little consideration but a great deal of vehemence):
- Stink alleviation: Possibly a series of options available to every user — might I recommend citrus, pine, and piña colada? I welcome your suggestions.
- Convenient scheduling: if I can schedule a Windows computer to backup at down times, this shouldn’t be that hard.
- User-friendly indicators of completion: I like reading multi-volume fantasy epics as much as the next person, but COME. ON.
- Post-procedure cleanup: Do you need me to go further with this one?
- Colour-coding: I don’t have a concrete reason for this, but colour-coding is always a good thing.
Personally, if I was at all convinced that there was ANYONE involved in engineering the whole pooping schematic, I’d be on the phone tout suite to my local poop ombudsperson.
BECAUSE THEY’VE GOT SOME SERIOUS EXPLAINING TO DO.
December 21st, 2006 at 6:14 pm
Kittens poop their weight daily. Apparently. Mine do anyway.
I’m VERY glad people don’t.
Okay, I just grossed myself out here with the visuals.
December 21st, 2006 at 7:48 pm
Jason, you had me at “pooping.” *swoon* I love talking about it because I can’t do it. TMI, sorry. We just met.
Thanks for joining Indie Bloggers!! Can’t wait to read more of you.
Stacy
December 21st, 2006 at 8:24 pm
If I was the creator (or one of them) – I would have color-coded all the organs – I decided that in the first class I had to do a dissection in. Yes – color coding is good.
Obviously – the large intestine would be brown….
December 22nd, 2006 at 9:49 am
lightspring: FYI, I just wrote a detailed description of the wonders of our cats’ poops… and then realised that no one wanted to read that. Hence, wise editing on the Space Monkey Pants Front.
Stacy: I think I crossed the TMI boundary at “pooping”, so we’re even.
g-dog: See, everyone? Colour-coding = GOOD!
December 22nd, 2006 at 12:25 pm
I would suggest that if evolution really worked, pooping would have been totally eliminated by now.
(Totally eliminated. Heh.)
Or, better yet, we might poop ice cream!
December 22nd, 2006 at 8:08 pm
Finally – someone has put into words something that I have thought about but have never managed to articulate! Brilliant! This is up there in my favourite entires ever!
My other thought – I still can’t believe that we still pump raw sewage into the ocean. Seriously – it’s extraordinary, I would take that up with the poop ombudsman too.
And might I add flatulence should certainly be added to the list of issues to resolve. In which case I would avoid colour coding at all costs even if these do smell like pina colada.
On the other hand – some of my most relaxing moments occur while in session. Thank goodness we can tolerate our own stench!
I think I just crossed the TMI boundary. Oh well.
January 3rd, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Suldog: Poop ice cream. Hmmm… they probably have it in Japan.
SassyK: Bah. TMI has no limit here. Soar high, little bird. Soar high.