refugee board puts on asshat

A Nicaraguan man facing deportation next week says the Immigration and Refugee Board denied him asylum in Canada because they didn’t believe he’s gay.

Alvaro Orozco, who has lived in Toronto for two years, based his refugee claim on fears of returning to his home country where sodomy is illegal. He says his family beat him because of his sexual orientation.

“My father told me, ‘If one of my sons became gay one day, I will kill him with my hands,’” said Orozco. “I was so scared. And that is why I escaped.”

Let’s recap:

Gay teenager escapes his country out of fear for his life. After finding sanctuary in churches in the U.S., he finally makes it to Canada.

Where he is told, “Sorry. We don’t believe you’re gay. Go home.”

And why don’t they believe?

Because, while he was living in the U.S. — and let us reiterate, living in the U.S. under the sanctuary of the Church — “he wasn’t sexually active”.

Urrrg.

Is it just barely possible that he was… I don’t know… trying to keep his sexual orientation on the down-low? From the people that were protecting him? People that aren’t regularly known to be fond of those that — how shall we put this? — enjoy fruit of the same flavour?

Then again… is it also just barely possible that he maybe wasn’t sexually active because he was a freaking TEENAGER?

(God knows, plenty of my teenage years were spent desperately willing to be sexually active. WITH NO SUCCESS WHATSOEVER.)

Basically, it comes down to the fact that if you ain’t getting some, your sexual orientation is suspect.

Be warned.

(And get busy.)

Beyond this incomprehensible clusterfuck of an excuse, I’m just trying to imagine what sort of testing procedures one would use in a case like this to “prove” someone was gay:

“Doug, can you go in there and — I don’t know — sashay around him a few times? Maybe hum some Streisand?”

[Pause.]

“Nothing? Well, ladies and gentlemen — our work here is done!”

Please allow me to repeat myself:

Asshats.


59 Responses to “refugee board puts on asshat”

  1. g-dog Says:

    Maybe they gave him a quiz on all the Judy Garland movies. Just like those WWII era movies where they figure out you’re a Nazi because you don’t know who hit the winning home run in the 1939 World Series.

    Seriously – I hope he can appeal. You know, we in the US have come to expect better of Canada – ’cause we have learned not to expect it here.

  2. Suldog Says:

    Really. We look up to you guys.

  3. sween Says:

    I’m sorry… I’m sorry. I’ll give them a call and sort out this whole mess.

    (Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?…)

  4. Alison Says:

    I thought you looked up to Canada because we are above you on the map….
    Ba dum bum
    But seriously folks…
    Its sucks for that kid.

  5. sween Says:

    Oh, Alison… that hurt… ouch….

  6. mike Says:

    Jesus Christ. Who’s a guy got to sodomize to get a green card around here?!

  7. sween Says:

    Oh — that’s freaking hilarious.

  8. mike Says:

    :)

  9. Sue Says:

    I mean really, who ADMITS to the immigration cops that they are gay unless they really are? It’s generally not a status to aspire to, unless you are a metrosexual wannabe. And I don’t think there are that many of those!

  10. Sue Says:

    oops sorry didn’t successfully close that tag. Here is one just in case it italicizes the rest of your blog

  11. g-dog Says:

    good one Mike.

    Maybe the CA officials are of this (NWS) opinion:
    http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33540

  12. Zeus Says:

    This is my first time to your blog, and I found it via a link on Radioactive Jam. I needed a great laugh this morning, and oh, this hit the spot. It makes me wonder then why public schooling pushes the abstinence agenda in health education classes across the country.

    Is it to keep Canada happy? Is that the real reason?

  13. joy Says:

    most definitely asshats.
    this is scaring me about canada. i mean canada! WTF! wha’happened???

  14. G Says:

    Ok. I’m confused. I’m confused even though I speak fluentg Canadian so I’m going to have to ask some of you posters who are Canadian (you know who you are, I think) to please sort this out. Espcially if you’re a Gay canadian (Who sings, “Oh, Canada!” as if the country just did Greenland in the parking lot during free period) just tell me this: if the kid was wearing an Ass Hat, wasn’t it pretty fucking obvious he was spelunkiloidic? I myself usually wear a vagina hat to emblemize my sexual preference. It just makes things easier (plus, I get preferred seating at Ditka’s). Do you do it differently in Canada? Is your sexual preference headgear more about what you’re exporting than what you’re importing? If so, could fucking explain the took?

  15. G Says:

    I was so wrapped up in a milliner’s fantasy experience that I posted the wrong website. Death By Children can be accessed thusly (NO HATS): http://deathbykids.blogspot.com. Eh?

  16. sween Says:

    Sue: Don’t worry about the closing tag — I have a mason jar filled with spares.

    g-dog: Oh, that’s awesome.

    Zeus: Well, if kids practice abstinence, they can’t apply for refugee status in Canada — “Oh, so you’re ‘HETEROSEXUAL’, are you? Gotten any lately? No?” [Pause] “Terrorist.”

    joy: I don’t know. I apologise for us. [Hangs head in shame.]

    G: Too… many… visuals… brain… melting…

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