THE INTERNETS: Where the hell have you been, Jason?! We’ve been worried sick!! And what’s with the magic beans?!

JASON: I sorry.

…

I have now discovered that you can actually procrastinate from procrastinating.

And that my brain has been shut down for too long.

I haven’t been updating this site. I haven’t been answering emails. I haven’t been doing ANYTHING.

(Well. I did watch the Battlestar Galactica season finale. One word review: “Whoa”. Repeated in large quantities.)

But that’s it.

My brain? It done gone to sleep for a spell.

I don’t know what happened. Here’s how it appeared to me:

1. I got sick.
2. My body shut down.
3. My brain shut down.
4. Time passed.
5. My body got better.
6. My brain remained shut down.
7. Time passed.
8. “Hey! My brain! It has awakened! This I do declare to be ‘Awesome’!”

I feel like a surly grizzly emerging from a long hibernation — “WHERE’S MY FOOD?! I’M AWAKE!! THINGS HAVE CHANGED AND I’M YELLING!! WHO PUT THAT TREE THERE?! I’M COVERED IN FUR AND I LIKE EATING SALMON!! I NEED TO PEE!! I WONDER WHO WON THE OSCAR FOR BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE PICTURE!! RAAAAAAR!!”

(Yes. I like bears today.)

Any-hoo… thanks for waiting. You all rock. (Your comments? They will all be answered. Wittily. With words and everything.)

So.

I am back.

“Your nose… it tastes like snot.”

My world is coated
By a fine shellac of phlegm
Getting better now

[Cough.]

Pimples inside the nostril.

I mean, really? Who the HELL thought that one up?!

I GOT NO ACCESS HERE, PEOPLE. Just fun fun nostril-pimple pain.

And something tells me that I shouldn’t expect the arrival of nostril-pimple elves in the foreseeable future.

[Pause.]

Oh. Wait. Here they are.

I have them pencilled in for next Tuesday.

My bad.

…

This Moment in Too Much Information has been brought to you by The Delahunt Centre for Bitching & Moaning and The Uriah Meyer Foundation for Things That Suck.

And Viewers Like You.

Still alive. All body parts intact.

Except for my knee. It’s minus vast quantities of skin. It’s hit a new level of grossness.

Really. If you were here, I’d show it to you.

Then I’d open my mouth and let you see what I was eating.

I’m good that way.

I am painstakingly handcrafting a commentary on my weekend in Maine. So please bear with me as I ensure it contains adequate levels of “awesome”.

Also, I am hoping to slot in a little bit of actual work. At my job. Because full-time employment is a good thing. And my mad hoboing skillz are woefully lacking. [Ed. Note: “Hoboing” = actual word!]

So please excuse the lack of extensive hilarity oozing out of this site at the present.

All my oozing capacity is currently focused on my knee.

To conclude… you all rock.

Yes. Even you. The one with the thing.

You know who you are.

• Ichioka Photo Gallery: Photos of People Sleeping (via kottke)

These are hugely entertaining. And relaxing.

I am pleased.