I have a mere handful of hours to go before I begin an early and life-saving long-weekend.

For I do reveal — I am invading the United States of America this weekend!

Your esteemed narrator is heading to the glorious and heavily-wooded state of MAINE for an Indoor Ultimate tournament.

Whoooo! ORONO! WHOOOO! SEVEN-HOUR CAR RIDE! ROAD TRIP! FIVE PEOPLE! ONE CAR! ROCK THE HOUSE! YIPPEE! YEE-HAW! WHOOOOooooOOOOOoooo…

… ooooo…

[Cough.]

What?

Orono is not on your Top 5 vacation destinations list?

Pfft.

I’ll be spending most of it either:

1. Sweaty
2. Out-of-breath
3. Mildly inebriated
4. (What’s the opposite of “mildly”?)
5. ALL OF THE ABOVE

I ask you… WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED FOR A SUCCESSFUL HOLIDAY?

For those that are wondering… it is dissipating.

Which is a good thing.

For everyone.

[Chuckles unnervingly. Drools slightly.]

Today, I will not kill people.

Killing people is not even pencilled in my day-planner for the day.

And WHY won’t I kill people today? Because I have WILLPOWER.

And no desire to be the charming yet doomed villain of an obscure Jacobian revenge tragedy.

So…

No killing.

Not even one person.

Nope.

There will be nary a lifeless corpse in my immediate future.

This I do declare.

I will write my memoirs in later years, and when I get to the point that I need to recall the events of this date, I will begin by stating that “no killing occurred on this date”. It will not be the most interesting passage of my memoirs, but it is something I can predict with certainty.

ME + THE KILLING OF PEOPLE = NOT TODAY

…

However…

This will ALL be made easier if people would leave me the fuck alone.

I’m just saying.

…

Yeah. That kind of day.

Send cookies.

Sigh.

It’s March 2nd. I’m still excited about the impended arrival of Spring.

However, my Spring Dancing may need to be curtailed slightly.

In light of my first outdoor run of the season, and the many layers of clothing that the weather dictated I wear, I seem to be the recipient of an inordinate amount of…

… what’s the most politic way to state this?…

Ah yes… “crotchal chafing”.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

…

For those of you in serious need of further infusions of ME — O! the thronging masses! — mosey on over to the Indie Bloggers Weekly Challenge for another fix.

Junkies.