21 Responses to “the experiment”

1. Jurgen Nation Says:
   April 24th, 2007 at 7:01 pm

   Why don’t we just use our hands.

   I don’t know what the hell kind of “pesky business” she’s talking about because my own “pesky business” would laugh at two squares. It would punch two squares. What the hell is she eating that this would be sufficient? Is she using a down comforter as her “square”? Because that’s the only time I think it’s possible.

2. g-dog Says:
   April 24th, 2007 at 7:51 pm

   1-ply or 2-ply? What about those public loos that have those gigantic rolls of TP with NO perforations to delineate a “square”?

   I understand an encouragment toward judicious use (you don’t need a half of a roll everytime..) but 1 square? My life has ONLY pesky situations.

   Perhaps I need some training. I invite Sheryl Crow to come teach me by using only one square to wipe me clean & dry. I’ll even spring for lunch (or dinner).

   Of course, in the US we don’t commonly have the bidet - perhaps a bidet coupled with 1-square is sufficient for most ocassions - but then we are wasting water. Oh, what to do???

3. Alison Says:
   April 24th, 2007 at 8:45 pm

   Oh Sheryl Sheryl Sheryl..what bong you been puffin’ baby???
   1) Look at Sheryl Crow…she is possibly one of the leanest folk I have ever seen. Conclusion? Bitch don’t eat!!!
   2)OR she eats so efficiently to fuel that amazing hard body that only the tidiest wee pellets are eliminated almost eliminating the need for papier de toilette apres elimination..
   3) OR The bitch don’t EAT!!!!

   ( stalks away grumbling morosely about hard bodied women with low paper use in the bathroom….)

4. Otto Says:
   April 24th, 2007 at 10:16 pm

   He doesn’t know how to use the three shells!

5. Karen Says:
   April 25th, 2007 at 8:53 am

   WTF two squares?? Seriously? Has this woman no assage? (Or does she wear the stripe and not care?) I read a book when I was about 12 about a girl in the Depression, and, seriously, she talked about rationing down to one square per ocurrence. Ever since then, several times a day (you can imagine when those are), I refer back to that and shake my head in wonder while I roll out some environmentally-damaging number of squares. Fuck the environment! I need my squares!

6. Tanya Says:
   April 25th, 2007 at 9:20 am

   Long time reader, first time commenter. Hi. Had to comment because I’m sitting here at work trying to hide the fact that I’m laughing to the point of crying (and almost snorting…).

   The three square rule seems a bit harsh. And how exactly would they enforce such a ban? Potty police? Seems a tad invasive. Automatic square dispensers? Press a little button in case of a “pesky occasion”? What would be stopping you from pressing it three times?

   There is SO much wrong with that…silly Sheryl Crow.

7. Suldog Says:
   April 25th, 2007 at 10:27 am

   I’m with Tanya. How in heck would you enforce something like that? And how much would you have to pay the poor suckers who were hired as Poop Police? It couldn’t possibly be enough, whatever was budgeted.

   Or perhaps we could get some sort of fetishists to pay us for the privilege of being Doodoo Detectives? Hey, this might be a money-making proposition! Instead of putting these people in the can, we can put them… in the can?

   (Caca Cops, Peepee Patrol, Flatulence Farm Flatfoots… Hey, this is FUN!)

8. sween Says:
   April 25th, 2007 at 11:04 am

   JN: Hell, my pesky business would just LOOK at the two squares and they would slink away, ashamed that they even came into the awesome presence of my pesky business.

   g-dog: Oh, what to do??? Obviously, be really, really dirty…

   Alison: “tidiest wee pellets” I ALSO assumed she must extrude little rabbit pellets. Great minds…

   Otto: *snort* That’s awesome.

   Karen: “Fuck the environment! I need my squares!” Well… we have our slogan now. Let’s get to work making our placards.

   Tanya: I can see it now — black market pesky occasion paper.

   Suldog: Well. It’s not every day that we establish new law enforcement job opportunities for PooPooPeople. I’d say that was a day well spent.

9. g-dog Says:
   April 25th, 2007 at 8:38 pm

   How could I forgotten about the Seinfeld episode with Elaine that completely revolves around toilet paper!!

   I hope someday I am in the stall next to Sheryl when she asks for a handout so that I can quote Elaine “I am sorry, I don’t have a square to spare”.

   Suldog - How about “Peetrol”, “Assifers”, “Poolice”…

10. Mabel Says:
    April 26th, 2007 at 7:20 am

    Since the first conclusion has been discussed, I’ll have to move onto the “Bonus Conclusion” - I love it as a concept. It is sheer brilliance.

    The next paper I submit will use that format, i.e. Introduction, Methods, Results, Discussion, Conclusion, Bonus Conclusion. Boo-ya, the scientific community won’t know what hit ‘em.

    Of course, you would have to be made a co-author, maybe first author.

11. mike Says:
    April 26th, 2007 at 2:34 pm

    It’s just not a good trip to the loo if you’re not cursing Sheryl Crow at some point. Nicely done, J.

12. Alison Says:
    April 26th, 2007 at 7:04 pm

    I wonder what her stand on “ply” is. Remember when Elaine would even accept a ply if a whole square was unavailable?
    Now there are 3 ply papers out there. And that crazy super strong Charmin..that stuff is almost unflushable!!! (Bought it but have two kids…the plunger got a work out for the duration of the use of Charmin’s extra strong indestructable toilet paper.)
    Sheryl would just S#^t…if in fact she actually does. I stand by my previous statements.LOL

13. Karen Says:
    April 29th, 2007 at 12:17 pm

    I’m a little chagrined at the fact that no one, even myself, addressed the possibility of using a helpless furry white creature as a substitute square. So are we all okay with this? I am thinking logistics here: availability, ease of manipulation, pesky teeth in the wrong places, snarling that upsets people in the adjoining stalls and causes them to misuse their own allotted squares. Is this not an issue? I am losing sleep over this.

    And I don’t even want to hear what PETA says about it, not at all.

14. sween Says:
    April 29th, 2007 at 12:23 pm

    g-dog: “Poolice” made me poo a little.

    Mabel: It seems obvious to me. How do you expect your peers to review your papers if you don’t throw in a little something extra to make it worth their while?

    Mike: This is true.

    Alison: Does it bother anyone else that we have all spent more time than is truly necessary considering Sheryl Crow’s eliminations?

    Karen: It took 13 comments for someone to call me out on what I considered the one moment where I truly stepped over the line.

    I’ll have to try harder next time.

    >:-)

15. Suldog Says:
    April 30th, 2007 at 11:17 am

    Well, duh, where do you think BROWN bears come from, anyway?

16. g-dog Says:
    April 30th, 2007 at 8:30 pm

    Suldog - please extrapolate re: black bears & grizzly bears.

17. Suldog Says:
    May 1st, 2007 at 9:01 am

    I’m sure black bears are better left to the imagination. However, why do you think grizzly bears are so mean?

18. endangered coffee Says:
    May 1st, 2007 at 4:23 pm

    Is this world worth living in if we can’t clog the toilet with Charmin?

19. Karen Says:
    May 1st, 2007 at 4:25 pm

    I’m confused re: koala bears.

20. sween Says:
    May 1st, 2007 at 4:31 pm

    I don’t even wanna think about pandas…

21. Floater Says:
    December 27th, 2007 at 7:40 pm

    Hello. So much scat talk here so I thought I’d mention the PooPooPeople. Yes, it’s true….they DOO exsist.

    http://www.poopoopeople.com

make with the yak-yak