nasal suckage
The Nosefrida.
For removal of snot from kids’ noses.
One end of tube — kid’s nostril. Other end — your mouth.
For real.
I’m mean, SERIOUSLY?? Does that kid not look like having her nose hoovered is, like, the most totally awesomest thing EVER?
[Begin imaginary scene in Jason's over-caffeinated brain.]
[Mother driving minivan. Kid in back seat, kicking driver's seat.]
Kid: MooOOoooom… JUICE BOX!
Mom: You can’t have a juice box.
Kid: But MooooOOoom… [Kick kick kick.] MooOOoooOOoom… COOKIE!
Mom: [Deep breath.] You can’t have a cookie.
Kid: MooOOOOooooOOOOOoooom… [Kick kick kick.] MoooOOOooooOOOOOooooooooo– [Runs out of air. Takes deep breath.] –oOOOooooOOOOoooOOMMMM! [Kick kick kick.] NOSEFRIDA!
Mom: SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP I WILL LEAVE YOU ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND YOU CAN BE RAISED BY HOBOS OR RACCOONS I DON’T CARE ANY MORE YOU WILL HAVE YOUR NOSE SUCKED WHEN YOU GET HOME AND NOT A MOMENT SOONER.
[Silence. Kick kick kick.]
Kid: Hobos! [Pause.] HOBOS! Hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos…
[End imaginary scene in Jason's over-caffeinated brain.]
That’s it. I’m naming my first kid “Nosefrida”1.
…
1 Subject to Lovely Wife approval2.
2 Which means never3.
3 Damn. I never get to name anything.
May 31st, 2007 at 12:25 pm
This reminded me of another picture of someone with a disturbing look on their face while demonstrating a product. Check out the woman on the left of the Kegelmaster2000 site. If you don’t know what a kegel is, or what the Kegelmaster2000 would be for, they describe it as “the world’s first and only true progressive resistance vaginal exerciser”. So while the look on her face is disturbing, it’s probably quite accurate.
May 31st, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Koogle? What does that have to do with… Oh, KEGEL. Nevermind.
Strange coincidence department: Just last night MY WIFE brought home some sort of sinus cleanser thingy. I wish I could remember the name. It does NOT involve my sucking the boogers out of her nose and, as much as I love her, I am thankful for that.
May 31st, 2007 at 1:02 pm
So…do you know that kid?
May 31st, 2007 at 3:06 pm
nosefrida kahlo is one of my favorite artists.
what’s all the hub-bub with this snot-sucking contraption? when i was a kid, my parents did the same for me, and we didn’t even have a tube.
[i just made myself gag with that last comment. i'm so, so sorry. please don't ban me.]
May 31st, 2007 at 7:11 pm
re: kegelmaster
In g-dog’s overactive imagination, which harbors sniggering jr. high kids, the invention of the kegelmaster:
Woman blissfully toning her lovely legs using Suzanne Somers’ ThighMaster and video (I don”t know if there was a video, but it’s my imagination so OK). Phone rings, she stops, grabs ThighMaster and runs to the phone, hoping Bryce is calling for a 2nd date. Oops, shouldn’t run with leg warmers on, she slips and falls…. on the ThighMaster… and the KegelMaster is born! She and Bryce have been so happily together since then. The End.
The other part of my brain wants to know how this may possibly ‘alert’ you to let you know that you are either doing the excercise correctly, or at least that the exercises are working? A little buzzer perhaps? A clicking noise?
May 31st, 2007 at 9:44 pm
Nosefrida “blows” all other aspirators away. So to speak. It rocks, if you have kids you need this, no joke.
June 1st, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Sarah Who Eats Poo: Right. I bid Nosefrida and she raises The Kegelmaster2000. I think I gotta fold.
Suldog: I think we’re ALL thankful for that.
JN: No. Should I?
Jenny: That made me laugh so hard I just gagged.
g-dog: You won’t go there with the chocolate and peanut butter and… the other thing, but you’ll go for the Kegelmaster2000?? Priorities…
Gini: So I guess the other nasal aspirators suck?
Thank you! Thank you! I’ll be here all week!
June 1st, 2007 at 2:11 pm
well – really – how does someone come up with this idea? there is not enough information from the website to tell “how” to properly use this … um… ‘device’, but I assumed … well ‘you know’. And personally, I thought the standard exercises sans devices were perfectly adequate so – WHY is this needed?
Oh – and – Sarah started it (damn jr. high kids in my head taking over again — there, sugar will quiet them down for awhile).
June 1st, 2007 at 2:20 pm
All I can think is, “snot syphon”. For use only in the hours of 12AM to dawn.
June 5th, 2007 at 10:01 am
As an expectant parent, upon seeing this product my thoughts go like this:
1. Ewww!
2. I would never do that.
3. Am I going to be a Bad Mother?
4. [negotiating] Couldn’t I just use a suction bulb?
5. Please??