aiming a little wide of the target audience
Driving home from work, I pass a sign that reads:
TUESDAY SPECIAL
QUARTER ROASTED CHICKEN $5.95
And I have a number of thoughts, the first of which is:
- I believe I would prefer to have my chicken roasted for the the full four quarters.
Which is followed immediately by:
- Strip clubs serve chicken?
Which is right on the heels of:
- Are they really expecting me to chose which adult entertainment establishment I patronise based solely on the quality of their entrées? Isn’t that like picking a surgeon based on the selection of magazines they have in the waiting room? Because, while the magazines might be a diverting perk for a moment or two, it would not be [insert wild gesticulation here] in ANY sense of the imagination [end wild gesticulation] a deciding factor in my decision-making process. “Honey? HONEYCOMEHERERIGHTNOW! He has ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY! Ohmigodohmigodohmigod! He even has the bonus American Idol issue! He’s the one! Uh-huh! I will permit NO OTHER to saw open my skull. [Lies down on floor.] I’ll just wait here until he’s ready to scrub in. [Pause.] Ummm… Honey? Can you get me an Orange Julius while I wait? I’m a little parched. Thanks, Hon.”
Which is finally — mercifully — bookended with:
- Ewwww. Strip club chicken.
June 6th, 2007 at 12:39 am
Wouldn’t they serve chicken strips?
June 6th, 2007 at 8:39 am
Maybe a nice striploin?
June 6th, 2007 at 9:14 am
Well, at least they didn’t advertise chicken BREASTS.
June 6th, 2007 at 9:40 am
Which is followed by:
Chicken Strip Club. — Mmmmmmmmm….
June 6th, 2007 at 10:25 am
So now I’m thinking of strip clubs FOR chickens…
June 6th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Karen: You mean, like… CHICKEN PORN?
June 6th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Here’s the thinking:
Men driving home from work might be hungry. If they actually make it home and plunk down in front of the television to eat and have a beer or two, they might not make it back to the strip club.
Instead, pull over RIGHT NOW and get the whole package–chicken and breasts.
June 6th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Mike: yep.
Jason: What about a nice little one-act play based on chicken porn? It could have robots and clowns in it, too, if you insisted, and maybe some time travel?
June 6th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
Does this one-act play relate at all to the Kids in the Hall skits re: Chicken lady loves life!?
June 6th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
I’m not so sure that picking a surgeon based on the magazine selection is such a bad idea. I had surgery a few months back. I have vivid memories of the 1/2 day wait for my 5 minute surgical assessment; followed the very next day by another 1/2 wait (on an empty stomach) to have my surgery. I have almost no recollection of seeing the surgeon but I do remember the dull magazine selection.
June 7th, 2007 at 9:49 am
Suldog: [Rimshot.]
Mike: [Rimshot part deux.]
Karen: I think we might be getting weird now.
Mike: Yeah. We’re getting weird now.
Lefty: Crap. Someone actually found a sound reason for this advertising practice. I have only one option left to me. COMPLETELY IGNORE THIS SOUND REASON.
Karen: “What about a nice little one-act play based on chicken porn? It could have robots and clowns in it, too, if you insisted, and maybe some time travel?” Oh… THAT old chestnut…
g-dog: Only if we’re lucky…
Amy: Well, yeah, a varied and interesting magazine selection is good, but would you rather have a really awesome time in the waiting room with the best magazines you ever read if it meant you had a surgical clamp sewed up inside you? I’m just saying.