incrementapalooza
Without any consultation with her vastly more experienced and worldly brother, it seems that my wee little sister (whoeatspoo) has come to the conclusion that she has it in her to continue our genetic line.
In fact — as evidenced by her progressively expanding belly region — it seems that she has executed Plan: Sweeney Incrementation 2007.
Damn. Now I have SO MUCH TO DO.
I better start making a list.
Things to Teach Impending Sweeney Nugget
- Tree climbing.
- Tree falling-out-of.
- What words are always funny (”poo”, “pee”, “bum”) and what words are only funny some of the time (”audit”, “colonoscopy”, “ringworm”).
- DIY archery.
- The sublime joy of permanent markers.
- A bad Cockney accent.
- How to reformat a parent’s hard-drive. With or without their permission.
- The Rhino Song.
- Vacuuming. (What? Someone has to do it.)
- Rules of comedy.
- The proper use of stage directions in a blog post.
Oh… this list has just begun…
Man. This is going to be HARD WORK.
…
Psst.
Sis?
[Looks side-to-side.]
I can’t wait.
[Jumps up and down in gleeful anticipation.]
June 18th, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Congratulations on the impending arrival of Nugget. WooHoo!!!!!!!!!!!
PS: my son just asked about your Rhino Song…again…
June 19th, 2007 at 7:50 am
Oh great, I think I am officially a mother now. Cause when I read “tree falling-out-of” I did not laugh, I thought, “oh, no! don’t let my baby fall out of a tree!”
And I really mean it.
Don’t do it.
Or I’m telling Mum!
June 19th, 2007 at 7:56 am
P.S. I’m so happy that you’re excited - I think you’re gonna be the best uncle ever
Hehe! “Uncle” - what a funny word. Uncle Monkey Pants. I could say that all day!
June 19th, 2007 at 9:46 am
Alison: I will admit. I once flirted with the idea of posting me singing the Rhino Song. I got far enough along that I had it filmed and ready to post. But first, I decided to get My Lovely Wife’s opinion.
She nipped that in the bud really fast.
For my own good.
[Shudder.]
Sis: You’d think you would want the Nugget to learn good tree falling-out-of. Because while good tree-climbing is important, wouldn’t you rather they were skilled at proper and safe tree falling-out-of techniques? They served me well.
And “Uncle Monkey Pants”? Priceless.
June 19th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Congratulations, to all involved.
“Uncle Monkey Pants?”
“Yes?”
“[Singing] Rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-no!”
(Uncle Monkey Pants collapses in paroxysms of laughter)
June 19th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
Uncle Monkey Pants is about 80-hundred years old and yells at kids on his lawn, but secretly adores orange popsicles (because the red ones are constipating), but leaves them to melt into dayglo orange pools on his astroturf porch carpet.
Just so you know what you’re getting into here.