Clouds of death wrap me
In their malodorous arms
I think I have gas

…

What? Too much information?

Heading to work.

ME: So yesterday was Talk like A Pirate Day so on the site I-

MY LOVELY WIFE: I read it.

ME: What?

MY LOVELY WIFE: I read your site yesterday.

ME: But you never read my site.

MY LOVELY WIFE: Sometimes I do.

ME: Really?

MY LOVELY WIFE: Yup. Spot checks.

ME: What?

MY LOVELY WIFE: Spot checks. I’ve got to make certain that you aren’t saying anything you shouldn’t be.

ME: But… you don’t read it because it makes you laugh or to see what I had to say or because you love me?

MY LOVELY WIFE: Nope. Spot checks.

ME: Huh.

…

For the record, this was not my first choice for most amusing conversation with My Lovely Wife today.

But now I know she’s checking.

And I have a will to live.

[Looks over shoulder. Ducks.]

Avast ye!

It be true. Today be that most felicitous of occasions, Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Now be yer chance ta cement in ye co-workers minds — beyond all shadow’s doubt — that ye be a little weird.

I be going on me way now. I have an appointment on yon poopdeck fer some cookies!

Pirate cookies.

Arrr…

…

Truly — “poopdeck” be the greatest word in the pirate dictionary.