Is it bad that I’m secretly hoping that we get very few trick-or-treaters tonight?

‘Cause it means more candy for me.

[A sudden smell permeates the room. That smell is shame.]

Damn.

Damn. Damn. DAMN.

I did it, you know? They said it couldn’t be done, but I did it.

After years of effort, I finally came up with the BEST BABY NAME EVER.

Really. It’s the best. It’s got verve. It’s got moxie. It’s got ZAZZ.

And just when I was basking triumphantly in the glory of my achievement…

Me: Ohmygod. I did it. I really did it. I came up with the BEST BABY NAME EVER.

My Lovely Wife: [Sigh.] What is it?

Me: You ready for this?

My Lovely Wife: Yes.

Me: REALLY ready for this?

My Lovely Wife: Yes.

Me: You sure? ‘Cause it’s AWESOME.

My Lovely Wife: Just tell me.

Me: [Imaginary drum roll.] “KA-POW!”.

My Lovely Wife:: “Ka-pow?”

Me: NO! No lower-case letters.“KA-POW!” All-caps! Exclamation point! Especially no question mark! Ha! Nobody questions “KA-POW!”.

My Lovely Wife: I see. [Pause. Deep breath.] No.

Me: “No” what?

My Lovely Wife: No. We will never name a child “KA-POW!”.

Me: But-

My Lovely Wife: No.

Me: How abou-

My Lovely Wife: No.

[Dejected pause.]

Me: Middle name?

My Lovely Wife: No.

Me: Come ON! Listen to it! “KA-POW! Sweeney”. It ROLLS off the tongue!

My Lovely Wife: No.

See? Thwarted.

…

GOD. It could have been AWESOME.

…

Bud-nipping postscript:

No. We are NOT “expecting”.

This is ALL theoretical.

Gotta cool that rumour down post-haste.

[Shifty eyes.]

Luckily, we now have a head start on everything we will find funny in 2008.

I’ve already started working on LOLgendarmes.

…

Yeah. I suck.

I promise to post actual freaking content once the evil monkeys unchain my hands from the burning furnace of work.

But for now — [forlorn sigh] — this be what you get.

…

Bah. Disdainful cat is disdainful.

[Pops head out of Not The Burrow of Earthly Delights But Instead The Burrow Of Bone-Crushing Piles of Work. Shakes off debris and the small number of cookie crumbs deemed too small to be worth the effort of picking off and eating.]

Hey. How the hell ya doing? Just wanted to FNGAH-

[Scaly and not very clean hand reaches up from Not The Burrow of Earthly Delights But Instead The Burrow Of Bone-Crushing Piles of Work and drags disobedient minion by the trachea back to the lower depths. Silence.]

So tie-tie.

But I must… stay awake… to fight jet-lag.

And…

… to watch Heroes.

Priorities… I have them.