best baby name ever
Damn.
Damn. Damn. DAMN.
I did it, you know? They said it couldn’t be done, but I did it.
After years of effort, I finally came up with the BEST BABY NAME EVER.
Really. It’s the best. It’s got verve. It’s got moxie. It’s got ZAZZ.
And just when I was basking triumphantly in the glory of my achievement…
Me: Ohmygod. I did it. I really did it. I came up with the BEST BABY NAME EVER.
My Lovely Wife: [Sigh.] What is it?
Me: You ready for this?
My Lovely Wife: Yes.
Me: REALLY ready for this?
My Lovely Wife: Yes.
Me: You sure? ‘Cause it’s AWESOME.
My Lovely Wife: Just tell me.
Me: [Imaginary drum roll.] “KA-POW!”.
My Lovely Wife:: “Ka-pow?”
Me: NO! No lower-case letters.“KA-POW!” All-caps! Exclamation point! Especially no question mark! Ha! Nobody questions “KA-POW!”.
My Lovely Wife: I see. [Pause. Deep breath.] No.
Me: “No” what?
My Lovely Wife: No. We will never name a child “KA-POW!”.
Me: But-
My Lovely Wife: No.
Me: How abou-
My Lovely Wife: No.
[Dejected pause.]
Me: Middle name?
My Lovely Wife: No.
Me: Come ON! Listen to it! “KA-POW! Sweeney”. It ROLLS off the tongue!
My Lovely Wife: No.
See? Thwarted.
…
GOD. It could have been AWESOME.
…
Bud-nipping postscript:
No. We are NOT “expecting”.
This is ALL theoretical.
Gotta cool that rumour down post-haste.
[Shifty eyes.]
October 22nd, 2007 at 3:44 pm
Let me say this one more time:
For the sake of the children, please do not have children.
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Maybe I have a problem.
I like KA-POW!
Think about it. “That’s my boy — KA-POW!“
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:51 pm
I use to know a boy named Will Sink — I use to joke that he should name his kid “dwayne derrick sink” — so the kid could sign his name “dwayne d sink”
I also knew a therapist named “f. hughes”
October 22nd, 2007 at 10:03 pm
At least it is not a Klingon or Vulcan name - though it kind of sounds like one.
On the bright side - if your kid ever saw the old Batman series (Adam West et al.) s/he may wonder why her/his name is always shouted when Batman or Robin hit someone “KA-POW”.
Will your lovely wife compromise and agree to “POW”?
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:33 am
I was sure Zazz was the fictional kid’s name. Too much scrabble for me lately — I was all, “dude, that would be worth a TON”.
Please, though. Whatever you do, keep the punctuation out of your spawn’s names? Nothing drives me like punctuating a name. Okay, fine, I suppose I could live with the exclamation point. As long as you don’t try to pass it off as any other sort of punctuation. So, really, you are left with names like Dave!, or Roger!, or LaShawnn!
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:02 am
While your baby name conveys great power and vibrancy, MY WIFE and I had seriously decided, since we were such fans of Mister Rogers, that should we have a baby boy, his name would be Daniel S.T. Sullivan. The S.T. standing, of course, for “Striped Tiger”. Our progeny, as yours, were probably better off not having been… progenated.
October 23rd, 2007 at 1:55 pm
I thought it was “Damn.” Damn’s not bad, especially for a middle name
KA-POW! Damn Sweeny.
See?
October 30th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
wow. that’s just as crazy as my husband suggesting that our son’s middle name be . and no, i was not just ending the sentence with a period, that’s what he wanted his middle name to be . a damn dot! and that’s why i named our child. thank goodness for women!!