archive for December 2007

three tips for surviving the holidays

1. Buy diamond earrings for your wife. (No matter what else happens, in the eyes of at least one person you are awesome.)

2. If a three-year-old asks you to play with his race track, say yes. (His parents will love you and race tracks are just as much fun as they were when you were a kid.)

3. Cultivate a constant case of mild inebriation. (Ummm… no explanation necessary.)

this is your cat on drugs

the small one on drugs

The Small One is a wee bit out of it right now.

After an evening of very un-Small-One-like behaviour, yesterday morning we got to partake in a Very Special Easter Egg hunt.

“Very Special” in that it wasn’t Easter.

And the eggs were replaced by small droplets of pee.

Very smelly pee.

So we took him to the vet.

The verdict? He has crystals, which — insert parental warning here — the vet says makes him feel like he is “peeing razor blades”.

[Collective wince.]

So he’s on some pain meds and we just bought a few flats of special wet food that cost as much as our groceries for a week.

(He’s totally worth it.)

He’s already feeling better, but his medication is definitely making him even dopier than normal.

Last night, he spent an hour sitting on the living room floor staring at the leg of the coffee table.

And it wasn’t even doing anything.

I checked.

Periodically.

(You never can tell with that coffee table.)

x-mas musing

Is it just me or is there nothing like the taste of eggnog to ram your consciousness head first into the holiday spirit?

It was non-alcoholic eggnog, so it must be true.

explosive stress relief

Still suh-wamped. Still ignoring you all. Still nursing a small acid-extruding ball of guilt in my belly at ignoring you all.

But you wanna know what makes me feel better?

Well, at this very minute, this does:

invisible movie explosion

Honestly. Are you so hard-hearted, so stony-souled, so psychically-constipated, that the sight of a small feline recoiling dramatically from explosives does not move you?

Shame on you.