what’s going to happen
[Cue Indiana Jones travelling music.]
This is what’s going to happen.
It’s going to be March 21st.
We’re going to get on a plane. This plane will go to Toronto. I will strain my neck trying to spot my old neighbourhood out the window. I will fail.
We will then exit that plane and promptly enter a second plane. This plane will then go to Los Angeles. We will not have time for fish tacos. We will instead exit the second plane and enter a third.
This plane will then head out over the Atlantic Pacific [Whoops!] and cross the International Date Line. (“What do you mean it’s Sunday? WTF??”)
This plane will not hesitate at the International Date Line. I believe a mid-air hesitation is what is known as a “nose-dive”. Word on the street is that this is to be avoided.
Instead, the plane — the third one, for those keeping track at home — will head directly to Taipei. There, it will stop for pee breaks and little else.
This plane will then take to the air one more time for the final leg (of this part of the journey), finally landing in Kuala Lampur.
Which is in MALAYSIA.
We will spend three days in Kuala Lampur. Most likely, this will be spent in the death grip of jet lag.
After three days, we will then enter the fourth (FOURTH!) plane of our journey. This plane will head out over THE SOUTH CHINA SEA. (Yes. It is as cool to type that as it seems.) This plane will then land in Kota Kinabalu.
On BORNEO.
And then… we will go here:
Oh. Yeah.
Somewhere in there will be a wedding we’ll be attending.
Probably of greater concern to others reading this is the fact that COME HELL OR HIGH WATER… we will be seeing these:
That’s right.
ORANGUTANS, BITCHES!
Oh. I shall be pleased.
Once we have sated ourselves on extensive Every Which Way But Loose ribaldry — and other assorted Borneo-ific delights — we will be heading back on another plane to Kuala Lampur (plane no. 5), and then onto another (no. 6) which will mosey it’s way over to Shanghai, then back over the International Date Line (”A free day? FTW!!”), and then back into Los Angeles.
We will then have ten hours.
In LOS ANGELES.
Comments? Suggestions?
Fish Tacos?
And then… we’ll head back to Canada (planessevenandeight).
Sigh.
…
I think I need a pith helmet.
February 5th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Oh, man. Colour me jealous.
I don’t even know any LA bloggers, which of course is the first thing I would think of. After all, you only have 10 hours — how much trouble could you get into? (Provided you don’t let the orangutans out of your carry-on.)
February 5th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
If your plane from L.A. is going over the Atlantic, you’ve got a longer flight ahead of you than you think
I did a Boston - San Francisco - Tokyo - Hong Kong - Bangkok - Bombay - Munich - London - Boston around the world trip close to 30 years ago. The only thing I’d tell you (which you probably already know, but that’s my specialty) is that you’ve got at least a couple of LOOOOOOOOONG flights ahead of you, so bring lots of stuff on-board to keep yourself entertained. I suppose nowadays you can have a laptop, which is an option I didn’t have, so that might be enough. Also, you might like to think about something to keep your ass (literally, your ASS) from getting horribly uncomfortable. Sitting in an airline seat for 8 or 9 or 10 hours can get awfully numbing.
Have a great time, and say “Hi!” to the Orangs for us.
February 5th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
That is a lot of planes. I managed to get from Shanghai to Beijing to Shanghai to Bangkok to Phuket to Hong Kong to Toronto again on only … eight planes.
So I guess you win.
Visiting Beijing was the TSN turning point. I had no hope of competing after that.
February 5th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Wow.
WOW
WOW WOW WOW
I wanna see ORANGUTANS
not fair
*sad face*
February 5th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Mike: Well, there is Neilochka. We’ll see if he notices this…
Suldog: Eep. Thanks for pointing that out. Stupid multiple names for oceans…
PRQ: I know that it’s going to kill me to be in places like Shanghai and Taipei and NOT ACTUALLY GET TO SEE THEM. Sigh.
birchsprite: *gloat face*
February 5th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
I have jet lag just reading about the plane trip. Course, it would be worth it for the O’tangs.
February 5th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Believe me… it’s a month and a half away and I’m already dreading the jet lag.
February 6th, 2008 at 1:56 am
Hi, Uncle Monkey Pants! I think you should take Mr. Noodles with you and take pictures of him in all these far, far away places. And with the orangutans!
P.S. Please bring me back an orangutan. I’ll let you name it, too!
February 6th, 2008 at 2:53 am
Please do not bring back an orangutan for Clarke. I do not want to clean up orangutan poo.
February 8th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Speechless.
February 13th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Oh My FRakking Gods…I so wanna go too.
Except that my lower extremities SWELL to almost bursting proportions during extended air travel (as discovered by going to Hawaii)..
But I still wanna go!!!!! Yay orangutans and fish tacos. This world is wonderful, non?
February 18th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
How fantastic!! Now if you can come back with a tuft of orangutan hair and survive the getting of it- I will be impressed. I have logged some serious long distance flights and that advice I have is do have some alcohol, it will make you sleep. As for LA LA LAND? If you have any energy left, find a beach, find a cute place that has fish tacos. Soak up the sun. Eat tacos. Don’t think too hard. You probably won’t be able to anyway.
Enjoy! Sounds FABULOUS!
S
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:05 am
Email me. Maybe I can meet you at LAX, and take you for a fish taco.