Finding Nemo is a lie.

Oh yeah, they look all cute when you’re happily snorkeling.

There they are, peeking their little faces out from inside the anemone. Adorable!

And there they are, skittishly swimming partway up to see you. Awww! He’s curious!

And there they are, bashfully swimming away. He’s shy!

And there they are, screwing up their courage for a closer look. What a little trooper!

And there I am, distracted by the shiny blue fish that just raced by, so I turn around, and-

CHOMP!

The little bugger FRICKING BIT ME!

Over the course of two hours snorkeling, three clownfish bit me.

Lesson learned: clownfish are assholes.

[Photo credit: Mshai]

In lieu of a friggin Viking saga of my trip to Malaysia — because I suck I’m stuck in a mineshaft I’m really busy no really I’m stuck in a mineshaft please send help mineshaft is a funny word if you think about it what am I saying no one is going to send help they’ll just laugh ya friggin jerks I’ll just stick with I’m really busy I’ll just slowly starve in this mineshaft some curtains would brighten the place up though — I shall proceed to spend the next month regalling y’all with bite-sized chunks of what I learned in Malaysia.

Stay tuned.

Yeah. Still feel like crap. Wearing sunglasses just to look at monitor. Fluorescent lights are the devil. Still have thousands of pictures unviewed and unsorted. Brain not congealed enough to converted Malaysian memories into lighthearted tales of sweat puddles and monkeys.

Just wanted to share one thought totally unrelated to my travels and adventures.

[Deep breath.]

OMG!! BSG IS BACK!! BSG IS BACK!! BSG IS BACK!!

[Cough.]

That is all.

Excuse me. I have an appointment with mucus.

Home safe.

Sick as a dog.

A really sick jet-lagged dog.

More later.