archive for May 2008

apply rolled-up newspaper directly to snout

“dude srsly. what up. u r lamez. COME BACK TO THE INTERNET.”

-Sweetney

Hellzapopping, my peeps. THE GUILT. I have THE GUILT.

For the past [rustle rustle rustle] too-freaking-long, I’ve being buzzing along, with this nagging, chronic ache in my belly. An ache that said, “Sommmmethinnnnng… izzzzzzzz… wroooooonnnnng.”

But you know what I said to that nagging, chronic ache?

“Yo! My homey! Chill! Everything is GROOVY. I’m just busy. All cylinders firing, know what I’m saying? I’ll get back on that horse [Cut to shot of bleached horse skeleton in the desert, single tumbleweed drifting by] soon enough. Cool. Your. Jets.”

Yes. I really said this. And then I punched that nagging, chronic ache in the arm. Like a drinking buddy. Or second cousin.

But things… As they say — THINGS HAVE COME TO A HEAD.

I HAVE THE GUILT.

DAMN YOU, GUILT! STOP EATING MY INSIDES!

YEEEEEEEEARGH! MY PROCRASTINATION! IT GNAWS AT ME! LIKE A SECOND COUSIN, HUNGRY FOR PIE!

Oh. By the bye, it is My Lovely Wife’s birthday today. Shout-outs are appreciated.

As is, as always… pie.

[sound of jason whooshing by like a jet-powered coyote]

HIALLI’MALIVEBUTI’MREALLYBUSYILOVEYOUALLEVENYOULEFTY-

[Deep breath]

STAYTUNEDIWILLBEBACK-

[The smell of burnt rubber wafts up your nostrils. You are overcome with an inexplicable craving for peanut butter chocolate chunk cookies. Even you, Lefty.]

malaysia lessons: birds

Boid

Lesson learned: If you are in the World’s Largest Covered Bird Park, expect poop.