archive for December 2008

baaaaa

When I listen to audio recordings of comedy routines and the comic does a visual bit that I cannot see but at which the audience freaking loses it… I laugh too.

I don’t want anyone to think I don’t get the joke.

And I like the company.

who’s got the beat?

A conversation with My Lovely Wife:

Me: Grrrr…

Wife: Don’t be mad — just listen to The Go-Go’s!

Me: Fine. They better have the beat.

Wife: They DO have the beat!

The Go-Go’s: ♫ We got the beat! ♫

And all was right with the world.

Except for, like — you know — famine and war and shit.

But… well, you get the idea.

living on the edge

Just thought I’d reiterate this fact: I love My Lovely Wife. And she is lovely.

And the fact that she has not thrown me bodily from a moving vehicle is a testament to her preternatural patience.

However, I am quite certain that when she finally does snap and fill my ear canal with millipedes, it will have been motivated by a variant of the following statement:

“That’s awesome — can I [blog/twitter] that?”

My Lovely Wife: suppressing a killing rage for your amusement.

things I am unlikely to get today

I want a hot dog.

The hot dog should be speared upon a stick I have found in the woods and sharpened with an imitation Swiss Army Knife.

The hot dog should be cooked over a roaring campfire that took a long time to get started but once we found that pile of driftwood is really burning now mister.

The hot dog should have just enough burnt bits and split bits which is a different amount for everyone but you know what it is when you see it.

The hot dog should be placed on a bun which is soft and battered from being inside the box with all the food in the hot car for the whole hot day.

The hot dog should be slathered with mustard which is yellow and plain and stains the white t-shirt that you shouldn’t really be wearing because you are eating hot dogs with mustard but you really really don’t care right now because you are eating hot dogs with mustard right now.

And then I should eat it.

And then I should do it again, eleven times again.

Some may not make it to the bun.

Some may not even have mustard.

Some may be lost to the flames, withered and charred.

But I want them. I want them all.

quote of the day

“Who am I kidding. They should give awards for this. Man, if you can make your kids laugh so hard they pee when they’re TWELVE you’re practically a Jedi.”

- Death By Children