a true story

So I’m driving to work this morning in fairly heavy traffic and I can see that a truck a little way ahead of me has stopped at the lights and is making a delivery. It’s a cheese truck so I don’t get mad because, hey, it’s cheese. But I turn on my blinker and ease over to the left lane, as do many of the cars around me.

But not all the cars have noticed this. Just when I am almost up to the cheese truck, the driver of a white car directly behind the cheese truck suddenly notices the truck’s warning lights — as well as the open delivery door and two men removing boxes of cheese. So, the driver of the the white car immediately starts to turn into the left lane.

Realizing that the white car might do this, I’ve stopped. It’s not a huge amount of room for the white car to change lanes, but as the light has already turned red, it’s enough.

This is when the driver of the white car notices me and proceeds to lose his shit.

(Quick note about the driver: about 60 years-old, but a hard 60. Gray hair, beard, scowl lines creasing his face so much that I can see them through his rear-view mirror. His wife sits next to him, staring straight ahead, smoking an 18-foot-long cigarette.)

So, he sees me and loses it. In his mind I have cut him off. I have cut him off and done so maliciously and gleefully. He’s screaming in his rear-view mirror, waving his arms around, and pointing at me (periodically using very specific fingers).

I see this and I distinctly mouth, “I. LET. YOU. IN.”

He freaks out even more, screaming even harder, bouncing up and down in his seat, and pointing successively at himself, then me, then at the road, then back at himself.

I roll down my window and I yell, “DUDE! I! LET! YOU! IN!”

And that’s when he grabs a SHEATHED HUNTING KNIFE, holds it up to the rear-view mirror and points at it.

So I do what any sane person would do.

I start laughing uncontrollably.

Yes, I realize he did just threaten my life.

BUT COME ON.

A HUNTING KNIFE?

“OH NO! I MAY HAVE TO ROLL UP MY WINDOW!”

He watches me lose it for a moment. Then he puts the hunting knife down, looks straight ahead, and changes lanes.

Light turns green and we drive on.

And I can’t help it. I keep laughing at him. When I catch him looking at me in his rear-view mirror, I laugh even harder. The whole way.

Two blocks from my work, he pulls off and disappears down a side street.

His wife never turned her head.


69 Responses to “a true story”

  1. birchsprite Says:

    Sween you are a star and totally just cheered up my slightly dull and soggy british april afternoon!

  2. Suldog Says:

    Best laugh this week, so far. Nothing works to de-fang the angry quite like laughing at them. Either that or they slice you up into bloody ribbons. It’s all good.

  3. b Says:

    I don’t know what to say…but this story needs to be noticed! Hunting knives and icicles can be dangerous…especially when thrown at a moving car with the windows rolled up! :) Good laugh! Thanks.

    b

  4. Sis Says:

    Where did this happen? I must remember to drive by there more often.

  5. sween Says:

    Oxford and Quinpool. Not your first choice for a den of violence and iniquity.

  6. Ali P in the QC Says:

    That is truly bizarre to happen in the ‘fax. Man, things has changed. I blame you.
    I once got pissed at someone in traffic (in Rockingham!!)and gave them the finger, to which the man replied likewise..so then I double fingered him, and he got so rippin’ mad , flipping me off again,that I started laughing ( it was just so silly and juvenile, right?) and fingering back at him as he raged and flipped me off… and so it went on. Me laughing maniacally flipping off a raging man who was not finding it funny at all.
    I have learned to control my flipping off aholes in traffic here in Montreal because its a bit scarier…I THOUGHT!!!

  7. Hunting Knife Dude Says:

    Finally, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
    My internet savvy has served me well, yes it has.

    I’ve been sharpening that knife for months as I stare off into space picturing my revenge. Unfortunately, this has ground down the blade so much I am left with a knife the size of stubby pencil, but I will come, yes I will AND I WILL GIVE YOU THE WORST PUNCTURE WOUND YOU EVER GOT in a place as yet unchosen.

    Be. ware. I. shall. Ah, crap, I cut myself. MARTHA!!!!!

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