I was in bed. A rerun of CSI was on. (It’s My Lovely Wife’s favourite lullaby.) My eyes were closing. My jaw was slackening.

And then I remembered you.

Ummmm… hi.

[Scratches bum.]

We good?

Great. I’m going back to bed.

[Zzzzzzzzzzz...]

[Very tiny voice.]

Let’s be very quiet. My Lovely Wife, totally doped up on cough syrup, is 3 feet away from me snoring gently. She needs her rest. She’s go the flu and so we all have to be very nice to her. So let’s be very quiet.

Have I mentioned that I LUUURVE my new computer. To quote Stacy — (ahem) — “IT IS TEH R0X0R!!!!!!111111111″ It’s fast and pretty and shiny and I’m lounging on the couch in the dark and it’s on my lap and the keys are all glowy and I’m working in Firefox on OS X while in the background Windows XP is updating in Parallels. That’s two operating systems running! At the same time! Did I mention that it is shiny? Really shiny! Unostentatiously shiny!

And did I mention that My Lovely Wife did not express one single tiny reservation about my purchase of my new computer? She did not. She agreed that I needed it and that anything that can help me in my work is a good thing.

But she did get a very important responsibility.

It was her job to name it.

So what did My Lovely Wife name my new Apple MacBook Pro?

“Banana”.

It’s sorta perfect.

…

The one dark spot? I do believe our the Large One and the Small One are developing a deep abiding hatred of Banana.

You see… it takes up a certain very valuable piece of real estate.

Dad lap.

I am being very careful to keep them away from Banana.

‘Cause they are two mean vengeful bastards.

I expect to wake up one morning with Banana’s LCD screen waiting for me under our bedsheet.

[Shudder.]

I you’re trying to decide which of the new shows out this fall you should spend your hard-earned free time on — the free time that is not already set aside for perusing this fine site, of course — might I recommend Dirty Sexy Money. Pure gleeful fun. Blows away everything we’ve seen so far. That’s how you make an entertaining- OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! A HAIR ON MY MACBOOK PRO! UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! WAA! WAA! WAAAAAA!

[Runs around room in blind panic, until a random gust of air bows hair off of the screen.]

Oh.

Sorry. Still a little touchy.

Where was I?

[Pause.]

It was important, wasn’t it?

[Another pause.]

Damn. I hate it when I do that.

I’m spouting off some truly remarkable thoughts, real earth-shattering crap, and then I freaking lose my train of thought.

[Oh sweet Jesus even one more pause.]

Oh well. At least you learned a little bit of earth-shattering crap.

Whatever it was.

Never mind. I’ll make it up to you.

Go have some pie. You deserve it.

In response to my mentioning how amazed I was that she was functioning so well (i.e., at all) considering she had the flu and only one hour of sleep:

My Lovely Wife: Hey. I’m tough. Come the Apocalypse, it’s gonna be me, your grandmother, my grandmother, and the cockroaches. You’ll see.

Was this month really the best time for me to decide that I was going to be posting everyday? Really?

The month that my work has gone plum loco intense in anticipation of me heading off next week to a conference (in BC! NORTHERN BC!)? And the month that I decided to take a week-long data conversion project and literally the minute I finished it discover that due to my beautifully undiscovered fuckup that every single record was wrong? The month that the amount of freelance work I do has amped up so much so that I needed to pony up for this oh-so-pretty MacBook Pro lying under my fingers so that I could actually get work done while away in BC meaning that the lovely Rockie Mountains will probably be free from my grubby paws for the majority of the trip? The month that my sisterwhoeatspoofortwo finally got over this whole pregnancy thing and actually birthed the wee Nugget mere weeks before my stunningly fabulous Nana finally went into the hospital for the operation that had been hanging over her head for the past handful of years and yes she’s doing great right now but she’s dealt with more crap than anybody should have to — English war bride and all — so anytime she’s not sitting pretty getting whatever she wants I worry?

(And that wasn’t even a sentence but now my battery’s about to kick out.)

And the month that fricking Heroes starts again?

Really? THIS WAS THE MONTH I PICKED??

I really do have some good stuff to write.

I’m just hunting for the time…

Please bear with me…