- wet willies
- sexily removing bandolier
- Jedi mind trick
- Wookiee mind trick
- Card trick
- purple nurples
- singing Life Day carols
- threatening to release flock of mynocks
- releasing flock of mynocks
- 85-slide PowerPoint deck
- doing the Hokey-Pokey
- doing the Pigeon
- doing opponent’s mom
- more slam-poetry
- Super-Poking opponent on Facebook
- playing bootleg Zydeco recordings
- defending Zydeco as a musical genre
- ripping opponent’s arms out of their sockets
archive for the 'assortednuts' category
If the email announcing your webinar starts with “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About UNIBA!” — where UNIBA stands for Undefined & Non-Intuitive Business Acronym — and you don’t actually explain what UNIBA means, your email will probably be deleted faster than you might prefer.
I mean, even faster than is normal for a webinar invitation.
These are two facts about my creative process I am sharing with the world in a hope to break their old lady vice grip on my brain:
- If I have to come up with a subject to write about, the first sentence that runs through my mind is “I like cheese”. Every time.
- If I have to come up with a name, the first name that pops into my head is Stampy. (Yes. The elephant.) Every time.
There is no punchline. Punchlines imply an ending.
This will, in all likelihood, continue until the doctor turns off my ventilator and – as the light fades from my eyes – asks me if I can suggest a good name for her puppy.
Wife: “Look. It’s Sarah Jessica Parker. Back when she was pretty.”
Me: “… ish.”