As much as the assemblage present in the hospital room strove to deny it…

The wee Nugget has Sweeney toes.

I dare say they may rival mine.

That word you are looking for?

“Prehensile”.

My Lovely Wife will be so horrified.

(As will any woman he ever dates.)

Well, I’m an uncle. Again.

At 10:20 last night, the world’s supply of natural resources — e.g., whipped cream, pencil sharpeners, the racing cars in Monopoly sets — was further impinged upon by the arrival of Clarke John Sweeney Adams.

10 fingers, 10 toes.

No flippers.

(I guess we can’t have everything.)

As I was picking the wee Nugget up for the first time, mysisterwhoeatspoofortwo said, “Say hello to your Uncle Monkey Pants.”

I can live with that.

Hmph.

What’s the point of having your freaking water break if you don’t actually go into stinking labour?

WHAT’S THE POINT??

[Simmer.]

Why… NO! There is STILL no news on the whole frickin’ mysisterwhoeatspoospawningsometimeinthenearfuture front.

And YES! You are CORRECT! There IS the distinct possibility that the Nugget-To-Be is actively striving to STEAL MY FRIGGING BIRTHDAY!

AAAAAAAUGH!

The 13th is mine.

Back off, squirt.

I had a post ready to go, full of wit and verve.

Then the phone ran.

My sisterwhoeatspoo called to give me a quick heads up that her water just broke and she’s moseying on over to the hospital.

So please excuse my diminished capacity to make wurds fit sum gud lik smurt talkinfnagus

Without any consultation with her vastly more experienced and worldly brother, it seems that my wee little sister (whoeatspoo) has come to the conclusion that she has it in her to continue our genetic line.

In fact — as evidenced by her progressively expanding belly region — it seems that she has executed Plan: Sweeney Incrementation 2007.

Damn. Now I have SO MUCH TO DO.

I better start making a list.

Things to Teach Impending Sweeney Nugget

• Tree climbing.
• Tree falling-out-of.
• What words are always funny (”poo”, “pee”, “bum”) and what words are only funny some of the time (”audit”, “colonoscopy”, “ringworm”).
• DIY archery.
• The sublime joy of permanent markers.
• A bad Cockney accent.
• How to reformat a parent’s hard-drive. With or without their permission.
• The Rhino Song.
• Vacuuming. (What? Someone has to do it.)
• Rules of comedy.
• The proper use of stage directions in a blog post.

Oh… this list has just begun…

Man. This is going to be HARD WORK.

…

Psst.

Sis?

[Looks side-to-side.]

I can’t wait.

[Jumps up and down in gleeful anticipation.]