Yeah. I’ve discovered Twitter. I’ve even managed to tack it into the rear end of Space Monkey Pants like Eeyore’s tail.

So… while I’m still locked in the death-grip of this NEVERFREAKINGENDINGTIMECRUNCH… I will, at least, be able to put something up here for your viewing pleasure.

The true minutia of my life.

I can feel you tremble with anticipation.

…

PS: If you feel so inclined, you can also follow my twittish activities on my Twitter page. Same great taste. Just as many bananas.

Luckily, we now have a head start on everything we will find funny in 2008.

I’ve already started working on LOLgendarmes.

…

Yeah. I suck.

I promise to post actual freaking content once the evil monkeys unchain my hands from the burning furnace of work.

But for now — [forlorn sigh] — this be what you get.

…

Bah. Disdainful cat is disdainful.

[Pops head out of Not The Burrow of Earthly Delights But Instead The Burrow Of Bone-Crushing Piles of Work. Shakes off debris and the small number of cookie crumbs deemed too small to be worth the effort of picking off and eating.]

Hey. How the hell ya doing? Just wanted to FNGAH-

[Scaly and not very clean hand reaches up from Not The Burrow of Earthly Delights But Instead The Burrow Of Bone-Crushing Piles of Work and drags disobedient minion by the trachea back to the lower depths. Silence.]

That’s it.

THAT’S FREAKING IT!

I’ve had it with being a crappy blogger! I’ve had it with crappy little posts that basically say nothing more than “Waa waa waa I’m really busy waa waa waa here are some random excuses interspersed with poorly constructed stage directions that could never be staged in a million years and even if they could be staged by some futuristic theatre troupe made of robots and hyper-evolved marmots they JUST AIN’T FUNNY and I’m a horrible excuse for a human being but here’s another self-deprecating comment darnit aren’t I cute GAG please give me love waa waa waa and now I will proceed to disappear into the ether for another interminable length of time and unless I am being held captive in a yurt in Central Asia with an overly affectionate polecat THIS CANNOT GO ON!”

THUS…

I DO DECLARE SEPTEMBER TO BE THE MONTH OF VERBIAGE.

Words. Every day. From me. On this site.

I’m getting off my well-flattened ass.

You have been warned.

I have two days. Much loin-girding will take place.

[Eats protein bar. Chugs energy drink. Firebolts shoot from eyes. The heavens tremble. A couple of Greek gods and a handful of seraphim tumble to Earth. Most of them pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and head back. Dionysus, however, is spotted heading to the nearest Applebee's.]

…

(And Karen? I do so like you. Don’t you doubt it.)

1. Activist judges
2. Fingers mutated into tentacles by vengeful dryad — typing speed drastically reduced
3. El Niño
4. Buried up to my neck in the sands of the Rub’ al Khali (“Please send food and scorpion repellent! Stat!”)
5. Industrial mincemeat accident
6. La Niña
7. Strict adherence to a poorly constructed to-do list has me cleaning the kitty litter every 6.25 minutes
8. Driving around the block looking for a parking space
9. The ghost of Ivan the Terrible has manifested in my garden shed and has proven to be a remarkably absorbing storyteller
10. Really big puddles