Ok, so the plan to enter the melee on Friday night for the new Harry Potter didn’t happen.

Mainly because My Lovely Wife fell asleep at 10:00. This allowed me to breathe a sigh of relief. And pack away my morning star.

I did head out on Saturday and pick the book up for her. As I was going to be busy all weekend working on a project, I was all for giving her something to do that didn’t include her moaning, “I’m boooooooooooored… Are you done yet?…” [Extensively protracted sigh.] “I’m BOOooOOOooRED…” [Even further world-record-breaking sighs.]

So the weekend progressed — me in the computer room, typing away. Her in the bedroom… I don’t know — muggling?

Finally, it was around 9:00pm. She was in the final stretch. The next hour consisted of periodic repetitions of the following script:

Me: [Type type type.]

Her: [Sob sob sob.]

Me: [Type type type.]

Her: [Sob sob sob.] Aa-aaa-aaaah… S-s-sweetie?… can you get me some tissue?

Me: [Control-S. Grab tissue. Go to bedroom. Hand tissue to My Lovely Wife. Hug her as she rocks back and forth.] There there… it’s all right… ssssshhh… it’s all right… sssshhh… just remember — don’t tell me ANYTHING. [Foreboding glare. Return to computer room.]

And repeat.

My Lovely Wife has expressed a burning desire to go shopping for books this evening at 12:01 AM.

For the life of me, I have no idea why.

[Girds loins for battle.]

Hmmm… where did I put that mace?…

I honestly cannot count the number of times this has fallen down on me.

• Slate: “Lurid new covers for classic books”

Pulp covers for classic novels.

These are cool as Fonzie… but I really don’t remember the leopard in Animal Farm.

In fact, the thought of a farm that has leopards as farm animals is just disturbing.

I mean, hell, what are they? Herding leopards?

Or maybe the mice in the barn are really post-apocalyptickly big?

Are they milk leopards?

…

Right. I think I’ll stop there.

• THE MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK (via black sundae)

Oh my god. I loved this book when I was little.

Hell — I love it now.

This is me wallowing in memories of childhood.

(My Dad is gonna go NUTS on this post.)