I don’t feel like I came to any singular conclusion on how to sign-off an email in a manner that a) retains a sense of your personal charm and wit, and b) doesn’t dip you headfirst into the realm of dickwadery. (Wow. Haven’t used that word in a while.)

So it comes down to My Lovely Wife sending me an email this morning to give me the bestestest (even better than “bestest”) email sign-off ever:

Blah-blah-blah, you’re so great, blah-blah-blah, I like cheese, blah-blah-blah, do this now, chore-monkey, blah-blah-blah.

Baarggggggggg.

Your Lovely Wife

Yes. She said “Baarggggggggg”.

What does it mean?

I don’t know.

And I don’t care.

God. It’s got a certain ineffable charm, a definite insouciance… and really makes absolutely no freaking sense.

“Aaarggggggggg”, that would make sense. So would “Yaarggggggggg”.

But “Baarggggggggg”?

I love it.

Baarggggggggg.

I’ve had a similar discussion to this before — how do you sign off an email without:

1. sounding like a completely personality-less drome (e.g. the so-banal-it’s-even-banallier “Cheers”), or
2. coming off like a, well… knob?

The main cause of knobbery seems to be a result of the first one: “‘Cheers’ is boring! I’ll say something that sets me apart! Something that shows that I’m an individual and I don’t tow the party-line! Something that shows I’m funky and cool and a true individual! Something like… ‘Rock on!’ or ‘Stay funky!’ Hey! Turn up that Dave Matthews — I’m ready to ROCK!”

Yeah, we’ve all been there.

The fact is, if you want to be a real individual, you gotta put down your iPod, take a last drink of your frappuccino, and step out on the limb we call “Freaky”. (Well, “Freaky” or “Kevin”. “Freaky” is more of a nickname.)

Some possible options:

• “Eating poo,”
• “To the gates of Hell I crawl for you,”
• “Holding your scab,”
• “Yours multiplicatively,”
• “Squash and turnips! Squash and turnips! Squash and turnips!”
• “Our kidneys forever entwined,”
• “Your ottoman forever,”
• “[Exit chased by bear.]“

… Don’t know where I’m going on this one. But I think you see my point.

Big email pet peeve here:

If you receive an email and forward it on to someone else — that lucky someone that has been deemed by you as being better suited to the task of answering the original sender of the email — take the time to enter the original email address in the “Reply-To” field.

You are saving time by not having to answer the email. You have shifted the burden onto someone else’s shoulders. The very least you can do is not force them to cut and paste the original email address from the body of the message (an email address that may be buried several page-downs away).

Even worse — if that someone else makes a tiny, forgivable slip and accidently hits “Reply” without changing the email address to the original sender’s address, do not send an email back to that person scolding them. It was your fault in the first place, dumb-ass. Politely send an apologetic email, informing them that the email didn’t end up where they meant to send it and inform that you will be more careful to properly enter the “Reply-To” field in the future.

Minor email pet peeve:

When replying to someone, don’t delete the original body text from the reply. It might look cleaner and prettier to you, but some people might actually need that text to know what the hell you are talking about.

*end rant*

Ok. I’m better know.

For more sage email advice, head on over the Open Loops for Bert Webb’s beautiful posts on How to Lose Friends and Alienate People With Email:

• Open Loops: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People With Email – Pt. 1
• Open Loops: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People With Email – Pt. 2
• Open Loops: How to Lose More Friends and Alienate Even More People with Email