Run away! Don’t play this! I mean it! If you value your sanity and your ability to multitask, LEAVE NOW AND NEVER EVER EVER THINK OF CLICKING THIS LINK!
[Runs shrieking into the distance.]
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa…
…
[Runs back from the distance and into your face. Still shrieking.]
… aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaa…
[And gone again.]
I hate you, Birchsprite.
You introduced me to this abomination of a game.
I then went out and beat your best kick. Then you beat mine. Then I beat yours. Then my Dad beat mine. Then I beat his. Then my Sister Who Eats Poo failed miserably at beating mine. I stand atop the mangled bodies of my challengers.
And now I. CAN’T. STOP.
So please… I call upon you, my garland-festooned readers, to go forth and take a whack at beating my best kick (4477 meters, thank you very much).
Please… put me out of my misery.
Stupid Monkey Kick Off.
Stupid procrastination.
…
Stupid me.
If you’re like me, you are constantly looking for the latest in time-wasting tools. Allow me to share two beautiful ways to effortlessly waste the minutes and hours left until your inevitable (and likely scandalous and moist) death.
Fire arrows. Kill the invading hordes. Get experience. Buy better abilities and new arrows. Fire more arrows. Get more archers. Catapults. Fire more arrows. Note the moss growing on your extremities. Fire more arrows.
Draw a hill. Click “Play”. Watch the man slide down the hill.
That’s it.
Think that’s not interesting? Fools. Just give it a shot. Ye shall be SUCKED IN!
And to give you an idea of what’s possible…
That’s all I got fer ya today. Rock it, space cowboys.
You’ve been waiting for it. I’ve been waiting for it. We’ve all been waiting for it.
My Dad won an award! (Well, the whole team won the award — he was the Flash programmer.)
Go Dad! Rock-on! Woo-Hoo! (Small, ornate victory dance.)
I wonder if he’ll mention me in his acceptance speech.
He better not forget me.
He probably will.
Jerkface.
