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Heading down the winding road of time from the near past into the ancient history of Space Monkey Pants:

Icarus 54
(Full Text of the one-man play I wrote and performed in 1996 and then for some reason decided to post in its entirety):

Scene 1, Scene 2, Scene 3, Scene 4, Scene 5, Scene 6, Scene 7

  • reasons i love my lovely wife: day 27
  • my father… king of pavlovian conditioning
  • escalatiquette
  • cats

    Last night. Feeding time. I drop the cats’ food in front of them and they begin to eat. I proceed to empty the dishwasher.

    While pulling a mug out of the top tray of the dishwasher, it taps the edge of a glass. Tink.

    The Small One tears out of the kitchen as if small arms fire had taken place

    I continue emptying the dishwasher.

    While putting two large pots in the cupboard next to the cats’ dishes, I drop the pots and they smash against the floor with a resounding CLANG TING CLANG TANG TING TINGTINGTING!!!

    The Large One continues eating.

    Impressed with his resilience, I pick up the pots and put them away.

    While putting the cutlery away, I drop a fork. The fork proceeds to bounce off the counter TANG! hit the ground two inches from the Large One’s head TING! and then drop directly into the cats’ water dish SPLASH! splattering the majority of its contents onto the Large One and his food.

    He turns his head and looks up at me.

    And then continues eating.

    He has priorities.

    hurricane katrina: what can you do to help?

    Donate cash.

    Reader comment: Erik V. Olson says,

    People want to help. That’s good. The problem is they often can’t, but they think they can. And, in the end, all they really do is get in the way.

    The single best thing Joe Geek can do is give cash. Not stuff, cash. Cash is portable, fast, and useful. Everything else has problems — even if it is something they really and truly need, because it isn’t there, and people and resources are needed to get it there.

    The canonical example: Bottled water. Something otherwise useless that is critical in this sort of emergency. So you give a few flats to the ARC. Well, you bought them at retail, and now, the ARC has to put them on a truck (which costs money) and ship them down there (which cost money, and time.)

    Let’s say you give them $20 instead. The ARC notes that they need water. So, they call a bottler in a city close to, but not affected by, the storm. They get wholesale or cost prices, as opposed to retail. For the same amount of money, they get far more water, far closer to where they need to be. In six hours, you’re delivering your flats to the local ARC office. In six hours with cash, they’re handing water to people who desperately need it.

    Finally, of course, if what they really need is food, your flats of water aren’t helpful, but your cash is. So, the lesson:

    1) Give cash. That’s the best thing you can do from your home.

    2) Stay the hell away from New Orleans. Seriously. They’re ordering everyone out, that includes you. Do not go.

    Give money. Whatever you can spare. I recommend the American Red Cross.

    UPDATE: Amazon has set up a one-click button for American Red Cross Hurricane Relief, for ease of use. Get to it. (Thanks to Greg Storey for find this.)

    or is this the quote of the day?

    At this point, I was chatting to someone else about something, and, in doing so, swept my arm out to the side in a flourish of gesticulation. This occurred at precisely the moment that Successful Novelist came through the doorway of the microscopic bar. The result was that he walked in to the room to have my open hand placed perfectly and directly on his crotch. I stared at him wide-eyed: my body frozen in a stance of accidental, homoerotic distress. ‘Ah, Successful Novelist, I’ve heard a lot about you,’ I said suavely, to distract from the fact that I was cupping his testicles.

    I left shortly afterwards, as conversation seemed a little tense.

    Now the two quotes must fight it out in a Thunderdome-style death-match until the one left standing is truly the quote of the day.

    (… two quotes enter, one quote leaves… two quotes enter, one quote leaves…)

    the saddest picture i have ever taken

    society for the the relief of desitute orphan boys

    This is a picture I took in Lafayette Cemetery in New Orleans because it was the one of the saddest things I ever saw.

    And, me being me, it made me think of other sad things.

    Which brought me right back to Li’l Brudder.