The week that was:

1. Baby spider infestation.
2. Pulled calf muscle.
3. Food poisoning.

Please excuse me if I am minus the funny.

[Rests head gently on keyboard. Serenely drools.]

Pimples inside the nostril.

I mean, really? Who the HELL thought that one up?!

I GOT NO ACCESS HERE, PEOPLE. Just fun fun nostril-pimple pain.

And something tells me that I shouldn’t expect the arrival of nostril-pimple elves in the foreseeable future.

[Pause.]

Oh. Wait. Here they are.

I have them pencilled in for next Tuesday.

My bad.

…

This Moment in Too Much Information has been brought to you by The Delahunt Centre for Bitching & Moaning and The Uriah Meyer Foundation for Things That Suck.

And Viewers Like You.

Today, I will not kill people.

Killing people is not even pencilled in my day-planner for the day.

And WHY won’t I kill people today? Because I have WILLPOWER.

And no desire to be the charming yet doomed villain of an obscure Jacobian revenge tragedy.

So…

No killing.

Not even one person.

Nope.

There will be nary a lifeless corpse in my immediate future.

This I do declare.

I will write my memoirs in later years, and when I get to the point that I need to recall the events of this date, I will begin by stating that “no killing occurred on this date”. It will not be the most interesting passage of my memoirs, but it is something I can predict with certainty.

ME + THE KILLING OF PEOPLE = NOT TODAY

…

However…

This will ALL be made easier if people would leave me the fuck alone.

I’m just saying.

…

Yeah. That kind of day.

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