archive for the 'help' category


Neglected you may be, but duty calls, my pearl-extruding readers.

I present you with Exhibit A:

clicken to embiggen

Items of note:

  • One nephew, resembling a 1920s speakeasy bouncer, sleeping
  • One sock monkey, resembling a 1920s speakeasy sock monkey, sleeping (with eyes open, like some sort of freaky wizard)

All in all, rather similar.

However, the sock monkey is lacking in one single regard — IT HAS NO NAME!

My sisterwhoeatspoofortwo has asked me to not use my own singular talents to come up with the perfect name for the sock monkey.

No… she asks YOU for YOUR help.

In this, her hour of darkest need, you can do no less.

You… can do no less.

[Genuflects out of room.]

verbiage: urgent request

Busiest. Day. Ever.

I urgently require nourishment for my body and soul.

Perhaps a shipment of bunny rabbits and cheese danishes?

If this is not feasible, perhaps a danish in the shape of a bunny.

Or vice versa.

Stat. I’m fading fast.

(And CAPTION, dammit! And you can caption more than once, if the inspiration hits!)

the tidying

It’s cleaning day.

As I type this… I have a broom leaning against my left leg.

The broom — O Lords Above and Below — it hungers.

Someone… save me… I beg of you…


… ooooOoOOOOOOoooOOOOOOOOooooo…

… Oooooo…

[Deep breath.]


… ooo…




But if I don’t make it, it’s YOUR FAULT.

[Walks off sweeping.]


I went to pick up My Lovely Wife last night from work and entered a short episode of Wild Kingdom.

When I arrived, My Lovely Wife was out back in her friend Venessa’s car, valiantly attempting to contain two adorable kittens who were determined to escape and cause the largest amount of mischief possible in the interior of the car.

The kittens were winning.

It seems that these little felines had been previously looked after by a homeless women that resided near My Lovely Wife’s place of employment, but she had moved on and left the kittens to fend for themselves.

So, in comes Venessa. Being the kind and considerate soul that she is, she figured the best thing to do would be to deliver these little devils to an animal shelter, rather than leave them on the street near one of the busiest streets in the city. My Lovely Wife had agreed to go with her to serve as animal wrangler. So, I squeezed my way into the car, while My Lovely Wife and Venessa went inside to grab their stuff.

I then proceeded to allow the the kitties full access to their mischief-making desires. Who am I to impede the natural order of things?

Then, My Lovely and Venessa returned, got in the car, I got out, and off they went to deliver the cats.

… or so they thought.

None of the local animal shelters will take them.

Did you know there are waiting lists to give cats to a shelter? No, I didn’t either. Yes, it sounds counter-intuitive to me too.

So, we are on the hunt for homes for the kitties. Venessa has them at her place, but can only keep them for a week. So the clock is ticking.

These are two sweet kittens (well, they’re not tiny little hold-in-the-palm-of-your-hand kittens, but they’re not full grown). They are two females, each white with calico patches. And they are as sweet as all get out.

So… if you are interested in adopting two little scamps — and live within driving distance of the greater Halifax Regional Municipality — please let me know.

You know you can’t resist.