Singer Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using too much toilet paper should be introduced to help the environment.
Crow has suggested using “only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required”.
Let the experiment begin…
One square of toilet paper is sufficient in all but the most “pesky occasions”.
Whoops. There goes the call of nature. Well… time to employ a little scientific prowess. First, let’s be certain to have some reading material… check! We’re ready to go!
[Necessary clothing adjustments are made. Sits.]
O SWEET JESUS! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?! WHAT DID I EAT??? TANDOORI ROADKILL??? TURNONTHEFANTURNONTHEFAN!!! OHGODOHGODOHGOD… AAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAAAaaaa… UHN!
I think we’re good.
SOMEBODY PLEASE! KILL ME NOW! PLEASE! PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY! ISWEARIWILLNEVEREATAGAIN! AAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Well. That’s over with.
Time for some serious testing.
[Rips one square of toilet paper. Applies.]
AUGH! WHATTHEHELL??? THAT! DID! NOT! WORK!!! UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! UNCL-
This was covered in the initial hypothesis.
How was it posed?…
This must be a “pesky occasion”.
Well then. I know what to do.
[Rips three squares of toilet paper. Applies.]
OHNOOHNOOHNOOHNO!!! THATDIDN’TWORKEITHER!!! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! DAMN YOU, SHERYL CROW! SOMEONE! HELP!!! I NEED HEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!
Can you get me- NO! NOT TOILET PAPER! I’m only allowed three squares AND I USED THOSE! I don’t know… ummmm… how about the New York Times?? Of course the Sunday Edition! THIS IS A CODE RED!! Will it be enough?? Um… I don’t know!! Something else… ummm… I know! Get me that polar bear! You know! The famous one!
Lot’s ‘o’ clean white surface area there…
Sheryl Crow is an idiot.
I have no personal boundaries.