• Startribune.com: “Deerwood Elementary cuts off student access to newspapers” (via A Work in Progress)

After a parent complained about the “sex, death and general mayhem” in newspapers, a suburban elementary school here decided to cut off students’ access to free copies provided by the St. Paul Pioneer Press.

…

The parent of a 7-year old sent the school an e-mail last week complaining that the newspaper is “not appropriate reading material for elementary-aged kids.”

Deerwood Elementary’s media director offered to not make the paper available to her child, but continue allowing other students ready access to the newspaper.

The parent rejected that, saying it “would silently endorse the kids reading them. It’s like leaving a loaded gun on the table.”

Forbidding her child “to take one will only make the paper a fascinating forbidden fruit,” the parent, who was not named, said in a message quoted by KARE-TV on Thursday. “We don’t want (child’s name) exposed to the sex, death and general mayhem that have become the standard fodder for newspapers and TV news. We are not just trying to protect our child but all the kids (child’s name) goes to school with and lives in the world with.”

The principal then blocked all students from having ready access to the newspapers. They are now left behind the counter, where they remain available to teachers and staff. Haugen said students can still see them, if they ask.

So… not only does this parent feel that their child should be crammed back into the womb to protect them, it seems they feel the need to jam everyone else’s kids back up there too.

Nice.

How much of a friggin’ unholy uproar would ensue if a parent tried to ban the freaking BIBLE from kids?

And that thing’s scary…

• Houston Community Newspapers Online: “Parent criticizes book ‘Fahrenheit 451′” (via digg)

Alton Verm, of Conroe, objects to the language and content in the book. His 15-year-old daughter Diana, a CCHS sophomore, came to him Sept. 21 with her reservations about reading the book because of its language.

“The book had a bunch of very bad language in it,” Diana Verm said. “It shouldn’t be in there because it’s offending people. … If they can’t find a book that uses clean words, they shouldn’t have a book at all.”

Alton Verm filed a “Request for Reconsideration of Instructional Materials” Thursday with the district regarding “Fahrenheit 451,” written by Ray Bradbury and published in 1953. He wants the district to remove the book from the curriculum.

“It’s just all kinds of filth,” said Alton Verm, adding that he had not read “Fahrenheit 451.” “The words don’t need to be brought out in class. I want to get the book taken out of the class.”

He looked through the book and found the following things wrong with the book: discussion of being drunk, smoking cigarettes, violence, “dirty talk,” references to the Bible and using God’s name in vain. He said the book’s material goes against their religions beliefs.

…

Alton Verm’s request to ban “Fahrenheit 451″ came during the 25th annual Banned Books Week. He and Hines said the request to ban “Fahrenheit 451,” a book about book burning, during Banned Books Weeks is a coincidence.

I have no words.

…

Wait. I do have words.

A select list of those words is presented alphabetically for your pleasure:

• backward
• bigoted
• narrow-minded
• hidebound
• ignorant
• intolerant
• myopic
• nachos
• reactionary
• ridiculous
• stupid
• uneducated

(What? I’m hungry.)

Suh-wamped right now, so please accept this tiny morsel in lieu of something with a weightier (yet still questionable) substance.

…

Me and the Brother-In-Law-Known-As-Rummie are in line this weekend to fill up my propane tank. I look up and spy a woman walking past the line — a line filled with people holding/standing next to/sitting on/juggling propane tanks in various states of emptiness.

Wait. Allow me to clarify the situation:

The women walks past with a lit cigarette clamped between her lips.

This is bad enough, until I look down and see the propane tank gripped in her right hand.

My eyes follow her in flabbergasted befuddlement as she dumps her tank at the end of the line. She then takes cigarette out of her mouth, looks around, and then walks back towards the parking lot.

For a moment I relax in the assumption (resulting from a combination of naivety, faulty information, and a misguided belief in the innate intelligence of the human race) that my brief moment of terror has passed.

But she stops at a car, places the still lit cigarette back between her lips, open the trunk, and pulls out another propane tank.

She then proceeds to walk back to the end of the line, still puffing furiously at the cigarette between her lips, while holding the propane tank in both arms against her chest.

I stood there… and did nothing. My propane tank got filled. We left.

And not once did I succumb to the urge to flee in terror.

Nor the urge to punch her.

…

But I wanted to.

• Seth’s Blog: “Nintendo forgot to read my post”

Their new multi-billion dollar entry into the hyper-competitive gaming market is called Wii.

Pronounced “we.”

Oh.

I’m sure there are ten good reasons to choose this name. I can’t think of one of them.

One should always be very careful in naming anything.

Of course, speaking from personal experience, certain circumstances are unavoidable.

The personal experience of which I speak?

“Jason’s weenie”.

(Repress. Bury the memories. Repress. Repress.)

Be careful in that schoolyard there, Nintendo. It’ll be rough.

• BBC News: “Rowling bemoans paper ’shortage’”

Author JK Rowling has encountered a problem while writing her seventh and final Harry Potter book — a shortage of paper in her home city of Edinburgh.

When she finished her last pad during one recent writing session, it took her 45 minutes to find a shop in the Scottish capital selling a replacement.

Next up on the BBC:

“STEPHEN KING WAITS TWO HOURS BEFORE APPLYING SECOND COAT OF PAINT”