HIALLI’MALIVEBUTI’MREALLYBUSYILOVEYOUALLEVENYOULEFTY-
[Deep breath]
STAYTUNEDIWILLBEBACK-
[The smell of burnt rubber wafts up your nostrils. You are overcome with an inexplicable craving for peanut butter chocolate chunk cookies. Even you, Lefty.]
Finding Nemo is a lie.
Oh yeah, they look all cute when you’re happily snorkeling.
There they are, peeking their little faces out from inside the anemone. Adorable!
And there they are, skittishly swimming partway up to see you. Awww! He’s curious!
And there they are, bashfully swimming away. He’s shy!
And there they are, screwing up their courage for a closer look. What a little trooper!
And there I am, distracted by the shiny blue fish that just raced by, so I turn around, and-
CHOMP!
The little bugger FRICKING BIT ME!
Over the course of two hours snorkeling, three clownfish bit me.
Lesson learned: clownfish are assholes.
[Photo credit: Mshai]
Home safe.
Sick as a dog.
A really sick jet-lagged dog.
More later.
We’ve been travelling now for 15 hours. Three airports, seven security checks, six glasses of water, and 4 time zones.
We haven’t even hit the halfway point.
And My Lovely Wife just stuck her tongue out at me.
Malaysia, here we come!
[Lurches into frame. Bangs shin on misplaced ottoman. Rubs sleepy bugs out of eyes.]
*Cough*
Uh.
Hey.
How you doing?
Me? Where have I been? How dare I? What gives me the right? Who do I think I am? After not a word not a peep for weeks and you’re worried worried sick that I’ve fallen in a ditch somewhere and there I am lying in the rain with ditch water rising slowly around me bleeding profusely (are my tetanus shots even up-to-date?) and with nary a cookie in sight to revive me and then I just waltz back in here like nothing’s happened! Well, have you got news for me!
…
My absence? Tragic yet unavoidable.
I’ve been crushed under the weight of developing not one, not two, but EIGHT websites for simultaneous launch on March 1st.
Which — of course — meant that only one of them actually launched on the 1st.
Colour me shocked.
…
What colour is “shocked”? Sort of a pale Sepia? Burnt Sienna? Carnation Pink?
Or am I just blindly named Crayon colours?
…
Goldenrod? Mulberry?
…
But… as of today, four of the eight sites have either launched or been quietly slid into the client’s mail slot.
And me? I am but an empty, withered husk of a man. Whose Lovely Wife has forgotten him. Whose cats have given up for dead and taken a few tentative nibbles of his corpse.
Whose RSS reader has over 5000 news items waiting to be read.
So I think we all know what this means.
…
[Singing] Rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhino rhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-no!
…
I missed you guys.
…
And yes, my tetanus shots are up-to-date.
