Dawn rides atop Dan, a border collie, during a break in bull riding action at the Fear No Evil Bull Riding Challenge in Houma, La. The act featured two monkey-toting collies rounding up a herd of rams.

Awwww… HELLZ YA!

(via Globe and Mail)

Yes. I really mean monkeys and rooster hanging out in the Batu Caves.

I wouldn’t lie to you.

Still can’t breathe properly.

…

FYI: Camera sucks in dark outdoors, so out of the 200 hundred monkey pictures that I took, I have a handful that are good. Will sort through more later for other keepers. But they have been BURNED into my brain meat.

This is what’s going to happen.

It’s going to be March 21st.

We’re going to get on a plane. This plane will go to Toronto. I will strain my neck trying to spot my old neighbourhood out the window. I will fail.

We will then exit that plane and promptly enter a second plane. This plane will then go to Los Angeles. We will not have time for fish tacos. We will instead exit the second plane and enter a third.

This plane will then head out over the Atlantic Pacific [Whoops!] and cross the International Date Line. (“What do you mean it’s Sunday? WTF??”)

This plane will not hesitate at the International Date Line. I believe a mid-air hesitation is what is known as a “nose-dive”. Word on the street is that this is to be avoided.

Instead, the plane — the third one, for those keeping track at home — will head directly to Taipei. There, it will stop for pee breaks and little else.

This plane will then take to the air one more time for the final leg (of this part of the journey), finally landing in Kuala Lampur.

Which is in MALAYSIA.

We will spend three days in Kuala Lampur. Most likely, this will be spent in the death grip of jet lag.

After three days, we will then enter the fourth (FOURTH!) plane of our journey. This plane will head out over THE SOUTH CHINA SEA. (Yes. It is as cool to type that as it seems.) This plane will then land in Kota Kinabalu.

On BORNEO.

And then… we will go here:

Oh. Yeah.

Somewhere in there will be a wedding we’ll be attending.

Probably of greater concern to others reading this is the fact that COME HELL OR HIGH WATER… we will be seeing these:

That’s right.

ORANGUTANS, BITCHES!

Oh. I shall be pleased.

Once we have sated ourselves on extensive Every Which Way But Loose ribaldry — and other assorted Borneo-ific delights — we will be heading back on another plane to Kuala Lampur (plane no. 5), and then onto another (no. 6) which will mosey it’s way over to Shanghai, then back over the International Date Line (“A free day? FTW!!”), and then back into Los Angeles.

We will then have ten hours.

In LOS ANGELES.

Comments? Suggestions?

Fish Tacos?

And then… we’ll head back to Canada (planessevenandeight).

Sigh.

…

I think I need a pith helmet.

The adorable no-named sock monkey is no more!

We have a WINNER!

May I present… NOODLES!

Or, “Mr. Noodles” to the more formally inclined.

Or “Field Marshall Noodles”, if he is your commanding officer in the Prussian army.

Either way… good work, peeps!

Grilled cheese ahoy!

WELCOME TO THUNDERDOME, BEETCHES!

Let the voting begin!

[poll=2]

Pssst! Don’t like any of these options? Leave yers in the comments!

I present you with Exhibit A:

clicken to embiggen

Items of note:

• One nephew, resembling a 1920s speakeasy bouncer, sleeping
• One sock monkey, resembling a 1920s speakeasy sock monkey, sleeping (with eyes open, like some sort of freaky wizard)

All in all, rather similar.

However, the sock monkey is lacking in one single regard — IT HAS NO NAME!

My sisterwhoeatspoofortwo has asked me to not use my own singular talents to come up with the perfect name for the sock monkey.

No… she asks YOU for YOUR help.

In this, her hour of darkest need, you can do no less.

You… can do no less.

[Genuflects out of room.]

• Metro.co.uk: “It’s dove at first sight” (via Cute Overload)

Read the story.

Then be certain to mop up the remnants of your heart from the floor. It could leave a stain.

An escaped chimpanzee at the Little Rock Zoo raided a kitchen cupboard and did a little cleaning with a toilet brush before sedatives knocked her out on top of a refrigerator.

[...]

Keeper Ann Rademacher says Judy went into the bathroom, picked up a toilet brush and cleaned the toilet. Rademacher says the 37-year-old Judy was a house pet before the zoo acquired her in 1988, so she may have been familiar with housekeeping chores. Judy wrung out a sponge and scrubbed down the fridge.

The thought processes of animals sometimes elude me.

Freedom! Sweet, glorious freedom! I feared this day would never come, but at last! My bondage has come to an end! Hosanna! Hosanna! Hosanna and hallelujah!

First up, that bathroom is disgusting…

…

This was emailed to me by the esteemed Mike, with the subject line “Who loves ya, baby?”.

The answer is, obviously, him.

MONKEY DAY!

What does this mean for me, you ask?

[Pause.]

Um…

[More pausing.]

Errrr…

[Purely gratuitous pausing.]

… more cookies?

[Sound of one man listening for cries of dissent. No cries of dissent detected.]

Yes. More cookies it is.

So… here you go — monkey eating cookie.