As the nurse took Sophia’s temperature, I stood in front of the bed and massaged Sophia’s right foot. I was surprised when Sophia, drunk from the powerful morphine, used her left foot to rub my groin up and down. It felt good, but a little inappropriate in the recovery room. Sophia insists this episode never occurred, but I have the nurse as an eyewitness, even though she was very polite about not mentioning the result.

- Neil, Citizen of the Month

Everyone, head on over and give Sophia some get well vibes.

Or Neil might just open up a can of Campbell’s Cream of Passive-Aggressive on yo ass.

“horsepenisdon’tlook”

[Courtesy of Lion and Magic Boy]

Seriously. These words just won’t ever work on their own after this.

Like chocolate and peanut butter.

Which, I hasten to add, do not go with any of the above mentioned words.

[Shudder.]

My Lovely Wife explaining her aversion to public displays of affection:

“I like peanut butter. That doesn’t mean I’m going to eat it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.”

now why is it I have no trouble typing “rectal bleeding” and “ass” but somehow “stool sample” gives me pause? why?

- lightspring

Truly , isn’t that a question we all ask ourselves?

At least a few of times a day?

Anyone?

Hello?

From SassyK (who’s been missed):

“Whatever – let me just thow some words at you — flumoxed, exasperated, bamboozled, kerfuffled, unsettled, in a conundrum — you know what, if I could make up a word that describes the process of trying to establish oneself in a new city, make new friends and settle into a new job – I would say kebamberated. You know, kind of like a repetitive slamming in the head with a rubber hammer that doesn’t quite seem to stop.”

“Kebamberated”. Juuuust [clickity clickity click] added to my dictionary.