Damn.

Damn. Damn. DAMN.

I did it, you know? They said it couldn’t be done, but I did it.

After years of effort, I finally came up with the BEST BABY NAME EVER.

Really. It’s the best. It’s got verve. It’s got moxie. It’s got ZAZZ.

And just when I was basking triumphantly in the glory of my achievement…

Me: Ohmygod. I did it. I really did it. I came up with the BEST BABY NAME EVER.

My Lovely Wife: [Sigh.] What is it?

Me: You ready for this?

My Lovely Wife: Yes.

Me: REALLY ready for this?

My Lovely Wife: Yes.

Me: You sure? ‘Cause it’s AWESOME.

My Lovely Wife: Just tell me.

Me: [Imaginary drum roll.] “KA-POW!”.

My Lovely Wife:: “Ka-pow?”

Me: NO! No lower-case letters.“KA-POW!” All-caps! Exclamation point! Especially no question mark! Ha! Nobody questions “KA-POW!”.

My Lovely Wife: I see. [Pause. Deep breath.] No.

Me: “No” what?

My Lovely Wife: No. We will never name a child “KA-POW!”.

Me: But-

My Lovely Wife: No.

Me: How abou-

My Lovely Wife: No.

[Dejected pause.]

Me: Middle name?

My Lovely Wife: No.

Me: Come ON! Listen to it! “KA-POW! Sweeney”. It ROLLS off the tongue!

My Lovely Wife: No.

See? Thwarted.

…

GOD. It could have been AWESOME.

…

Bud-nipping postscript:

No. We are NOT “expecting”.

This is ALL theoretical.

Gotta cool that rumour down post-haste.

[Shifty eyes.]

• Metro.co.uk: “It’s dove at first sight” (via Cute Overload)

Read the story.

Then be certain to mop up the remnants of your heart from the floor. It could leave a stain.

1. Unexplained-Bruiseday
2. Poorly-Maintained-Zoosday
3. White-Suburban-Teenager-Singing-the-Bluesday
4. It-Hasn’t-Been-The-Same-Since-Steven-Burns-Left-Blues-Cluesday
5. Regret-Our-Poorly-Chosen-Tattoosday
6. Inappropriate-Leering-At-Ewesday
7. Let’s-All-Sort-Our-Shoesday
8. A-Smorgasbord-Of-West-African-Palace-Coupsday
9. The-Pus-It-Does-Oozeday
10. Scholarly-Discussion-Of-19th-Century-Hungarian-Taboosday
11. Unpleasant-Kangaroosday
12. Wednesday

Sigh. They can’t all be Caturday.

…

UPDATE: Speaking of Caturday… World Famous Random Kitten Generator!

Does anyone else feel their soul die a little when they see the Wendy’s commercial with “Blister in the Sun” in the background?

Am I the only one?

‘Cause it makes me feel dirty inside.

If you plan on presenting Your Lovely Wife with a basket filled with dozens and dozens of hand-crafted origami roses, I heartily recommend that you determine your actual aptitude in the field of hand-crafting dozens and dozens of origami roses.

Prior to 9:00 pm on the evening before Valentine’s Day is best.

Otherwise, at 11:45 pm on the evening before Valentine’s Day, you might just find yourself downsizing your previous estimates.

From dozens and dozens.

To six.

Heed me… I KNOW OF WHICH I SPEAK.