verbiage: i want i want i want
I’m sorry, but this takes the toys of my childhood and kicks them in their tiny, charmingly-nostalgic balls.
archive for the 'toys' category
a proposal to all my non-american brethern
Today is American Thanksgiving. Today is the day where all of our American friends will be busy cooking turkey, eating turkey, and digesting turkey. Today, they will be in the kitchens and livings rooms of America, dopey with tryptophan and pie. Today, they will be gathered in the welcoming arms of their families and loved ones, giving thanks and watching football.
This is our chance.
Today… WE GET TO PLAY WITH THEIR TOYS.
Seriously, they’ll never notice. All those toys they never give us a chance to play with, today… today they are ours for the taking!
Today is the day that you get to have at that Star Wars Death Star playset you’ve been dreaming of for years! Today is the day that you get to open all of those collectors’ edition Barbies — STILL IN MINT CONDITION IN THEIR UNOPENED PACKAGES — and have the mother of all dress-up parties! Today… WE GET ALL THE LEGO!
But it doesn’t end there! Oh no! Today is they day that we get to the front of the line on Space Mountain! Today we ALL get a ride on the Vomit Comet!
Today… we get to play Battleship… WITH REAL BATTLESHIPS!
So let’s get cracking, folks! The day won’t last forever.
And if anyone is looking for me, I’m starting off in D.C.
I’m getting Fonzie’s jacket out of the Smithsonian.
…
A NOTE TO ALL AMERICANS READING THIS:
Don’t worry. I’m kidding.
…
A NOTE TO ALL NON-AMERICANS READING THIS:
I’m not kidding. I’ll see you in half an hour. Bring cookies.
stuffed animals for the sociopathic child in all of us
Do you ever get the feeling that people are getting weirder?
Like, eating-gravel-while-wearing-a-fire-fighter’s-helmet weirder?
I do love this one:
little-boy-glee alert!
I have never, in my entire life, owned a single remote-controlled vehicle of any sort. It is a tragedy that has rent chunks out of my psyche and likely lead to an incident in the distant future where the fate of the humanity rests on me failing to properly control a remote-controlled ZombieKillingOomba™ and will only lead to making the zombies fall over themselves with a fit of the giggles. And then eating my brains. Which would suck.
In order to prevent this, I must have this plane. My brains depend on it.
