archive for the 'travel' category

eyes drying out

We’ve been travelling now for 15 hours. Three airports, seven security checks, six glasses of water, and 4 time zones.

We haven’t even hit the halfway point.

And My Lovely Wife just stuck her tongue out at me.

Malaysia, here we come!

what’s going to happen

[Cue Indiana Jones travelling music.]

This is what’s going to happen.

It’s going to be March 21st.

We’re going to get on a plane. This plane will go to Toronto. I will strain my neck trying to spot my old neighbourhood out the window. I will fail.

We will then exit that plane and promptly enter a second plane. This plane will then go to Los Angeles. We will not have time for fish tacos. We will instead exit the second plane and enter a third.

This plane will then head out over the Atlantic Pacific [Whoops!] and cross the International Date Line. (“What do you mean it’s Sunday? WTF??”)

This plane will not hesitate at the International Date Line. I believe a mid-air hesitation is what is known as a “nose-dive”. Word on the street is that this is to be avoided.

Instead, the plane — the third one, for those keeping track at home — will head directly to Taipei. There, it will stop for pee breaks and little else.

This plane will then take to the air one more time for the final leg (of this part of the journey), finally landing in Kuala Lampur.

Which is in MALAYSIA.

We will spend three days in Kuala Lampur. Most likely, this will be spent in the death grip of jet lag.

After three days, we will then enter the fourth (FOURTH!) plane of our journey. This plane will head out over THE SOUTH CHINA SEA. (Yes. It is as cool to type that as it seems.) This plane will then land in Kota Kinabalu.

On BORNEO.

And then… we will go here:

Shangri La’s Tanjung Aru Resort

Shangri La’s Tanjung Aru Resort

Shangri La’s Tanjung Aru Resort

Oh. Yeah.

Somewhere in there will be a wedding we’ll be attending.

Probably of greater concern to others reading this is the fact that COME HELL OR HIGH WATER… we will be seeing these:

ORANGUTANS, BITCHES!

ORANGUTANS, BITCHES!

ORANGUTANS, BITCHES!

That’s right.

ORANGUTANS, BITCHES!

Oh. I shall be pleased.

Once we have sated ourselves on extensive Every Which Way But Loose ribaldry — and other assorted Borneo-ific delights — we will be heading back on another plane to Kuala Lampur (plane no. 5), and then onto another (no. 6) which will mosey it’s way over to Shanghai, then back over the International Date Line (“A free day? FTW!!”), and then back into Los Angeles.

We will then have ten hours.

In LOS ANGELES.

Comments? Suggestions?

Fish Tacos?

And then… we’ll head back to Canada (planessevenandeight).

Sigh.

I think I need a pith helmet.

rambling dispatches from the road

Well… I’m in the air as I write this. The screen in the back of the seat in front of me says we are currently over Saskatchewan, nearing the border with Alberta. I’ve been in the air for about five hours. I would like to say that I was productive for the whole five hours… but I slept for the first two hours and that felt better than getting to say I was productive would have. Nyah. Nothing like the pure unalloyed joy of sleeping in a airplane seat. Blissy.

Probably about the next two hours were spent training BBEdit to do text replacements the way that I want it to. And it agreed very nicely. And then made me a very nice latte with lots of foam. And rubbed my feet. Holy crap is it nice using software designed to be user-friendly and powerful. I do believe this trial period will end with me paying for a BBEdit License. Unless someone knows of a comparable Mac text editor with FTP capabilities and the ability to totally hack the keyboard shortcuts…

And the last hour was spent doing actual work. Yay.

I do feel like I’m working with about one arm, two fingers, and about 1/3 of my regular brain capacity. I NEED MY INTERNET! Damn damn damn damn damn… I’m crawling out of my skin up here… I can make it though. Landing in Calgary in about half an hour and then I have almost three ours in which to find a clean vein and shoot up some pure grade INTAWEB straight to my central nervous system.

Whoops. Seats up in the full upright and locked position. Gotta go…

Awwww CRAP.

Stupid Telus. Stupid stupid Telus.

I’m in Calgary and I have no internet.

I was willing to pay for internet access. I was ready to pay through my freaking NOSE.

But NOOOOoooOOOOoooo… Telus Hotspot Service is “temporarily unavailable”. Phaw. Telus service is a big dodohead an he likes to eat stinky poos. Really stinky poos. Like, when my sisterwhoeatspoofor two eats poo, the poos that come out of her. Poo MADE from poo. That stinky.

Crap.

Oh well. At least I get to recharge.

And drink coffee. Mmmmm… coffee.

Later. Still Calgary. (The Rockies! In the distance. Hi, Mountains!)

Telus is up now.

At $10.00 a freaking hour.

Considering that my flight is boarding in 2 minutes… my nose is less willing to be a conduit of payment than it was previously. So, I must wait until Vancouver to pay through the nose.

What is with the whole paying for Wifi in airports? Is it really that expensive for them? Is gouging us really that fun? (“Whee! Let us sing the Gouging Song! Gouge gouge gouge gouge gouge gouge gouge gouge gouge gouge gouge gouge gouge gouge goooooooooooooge… GOUGE! GOUGE! GOUGE! Lovely. Good job everyone. Gerald, a little less vibrato next time, thank you very much. This is a fight song, not The Barber of Seville. Don’t look at me like that, Gerald. Gerald. Gerald. Please don’t cry. Oh, Gerald.”) Just imagine how much happier people in airports could be if they didn’t have bullcrap Wifi fees rammed sideways up their poopchutes.

Heh. “Poopchutes”.

That’s it. I’m watching Battlestar Galactica on this leg of my journey. I can work later.

Well… it seems that Banana can’t suck up the juice too fast. I’ve got about 15 more minutes of juice until I can charge her up in Vancouver. Thus concludes my BSG watching extravaganza. Oh well,

One awesome thing: MOUNTAINS! MOUNTAINS! MOUNTAINS!

Please join me in a rousing chorus of “Woot!”

After gazing slack-jawed for a couple of minutes, I did have the presence of mind to grab my camera to take a picture of the Rockies from above… just as we hit the cloud cover. So. Sorry No photo.

I’m signing off again. For a bit. I got me some podcasts to listen too.

Getting hungry too. Mrph.

Vancouver. Fog. Cloud cover. No view. Expensive internet. Should I pay for it?… Nope. The end of the road is near. I’ll log in at the hotel.

Review: Harvey’s hamburgers suck.

Landed in Prince George. I’m in the complimentary shuttle that the conference has set up, waiting for the slowpokes to get their luggage stowed. It’s 4:40 local time. My body thinks it is 8:40. Supper is gonna be weird.

I want to get in my room. And eat. AND GET ONLINE. YAAARGH.

Nice side effect of the new keyboard — it making me unlearn my pounding keyboarding habits. Maybe I won’t wake up the neighbours anymore.

(Nice Banana. I love my Banana. I would never hurt my Banana.)

I’M HERE! I’M HERE! I’M HERE!

Especially if by “here” you are referring to the middle of nowhere.

And for the one person from Prince George that reads this in two years doing a search for “free banana poopchutes in Prince George”, I’m not saying that Prince George is in the middle of nowhere.

My hotel is in the middle of nowhere.

There’s a gas station across the street. And a Chinese restaurant. About half a mile down there are a few tractor dealerships.

Oh, and the hotel has a casino.

As I have on occasion offered to win a bear for My Lovely Wife at the fair and left having spent over $40.00… this could be a bad thing.

Whatever the case… I need sustenance. I’m signing out for now. Will report more later.

One more note. I tried to take a picture of the view from my hotel room, but my camera turned itself off in protest. Sorry. The view really is that boring.