archive for the 'weird' category

verbiage: under the wire

Crap! Almost missed my deadline.

Well! Thank goodness I made it here in time!

You might have missed…

Ummm…

Errr…

uses of prosthetics in reptile thievery?

Quality material here, folks.

Quality.

i get this

Example: “All eyeballs turn to wood”

Proof that I’m not alone on this wavelength.

This wavelength of awesome.

nasal suckage

snot sucker! The Nosefrida.

For removal of snot from kids’ noses.

One end of tube — kid’s nostril. Other end — your mouth.

For real.

I’m mean, SERIOUSLY?? Does that kid not look like having her nose hoovered is, like, the most totally awesomest thing EVER?

[Begin imaginary scene in Jason's over-caffeinated brain.]

[Mother driving minivan. Kid in back seat, kicking driver's seat.]

Kid: MooOOoooom… JUICE BOX!

Mom: You can’t have a juice box.

Kid: But MooooOOoom… [Kick kick kick.] MooOOoooOOoom… COOKIE!

Mom: [Deep breath.] You can’t have a cookie.

Kid: MooOOOOooooOOOOOoooom… [Kick kick kick.] MoooOOOooooOOOOOooooooooo– [Runs out of air. Takes deep breath.] –oOOOooooOOOOoooOOMMMM! [Kick kick kick.] NOSEFRIDA!

Mom: SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP I WILL LEAVE YOU ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND YOU CAN BE RAISED BY HOBOS OR RACCOONS I DON’T CARE ANY MORE YOU WILL HAVE YOUR NOSE SUCKED WHEN YOU GET HOME AND NOT A MOMENT SOONER.

[Silence. Kick kick kick.]

Kid: Hobos! [Pause.] HOBOS! Hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos hobos…

[End imaginary scene in Jason's over-caffeinated brain.]

That’s it. I’m naming my first kid “Nosefrida”1.

1 Subject to Lovely Wife approval2.

2 Which means never3.

3 Damn. I never get to name anything.

WTF??? the musical

Bono and The Edge from U2 are to write music and lyrics for a Broadway musical based on comic book hero Spider-Man, according to film trade paper Variety.

Please allow me to repeat myself.

WTF???

BONUS WTF???:

Just to ram your head a wee bit further down the rabbit-hole:

Hey… you’re welcome. It’s what I’m here for.

beach doritos

beach doritos

A cargo container that apparently fell from a ship washed up on the Outer Banks of North Carolina on Thursday and spilled thousands of bags of Doritos brand tortilla chips on the beach. People collected the chips, which were apparently still fresh due to their airtight packaging. It was unknown which ship had lost the cargo or to what port it was bound.

I thought seafood was supposed to be healthy?

(It seems to be the week for food on irregular surfaces.)