I got my MooCards! Yee-Haw!

For those that are interested, here are the original pictures I used for the cards:

• Robot
• Gorilla
• Destitute Orphan Boys

I’m so pleased with myself I could spit.

…

Really — when did expectoration become a sign of pleasure, I ask you?

Okay.

This is gonna take a little getting used to.

This is my first post from my brand new MacBook Pro.

The one thing they don’t advertise in the Apple ads?

That feeling that you might throw up after shelling out that much cash.

Urp.

As of right now, I have no idea how to do anything on this thing.

And yet I have installed two programs and taken three pictures.

I’m in for some interesting adventures.

If any of y’all are Mac users and have beautiful tips and tricks for me, shout em out, baby.

I am puttty in your hands .

[Drinks the Kool-Aid.]

Well, I’m an uncle. Again.

At 10:20 last night, the world’s supply of natural resources — e.g., whipped cream, pencil sharpeners, the racing cars in Monopoly sets — was further impinged upon by the arrival of Clarke John Sweeney Adams.

10 fingers, 10 toes.

No flippers.

(I guess we can’t have everything.)

As I was picking the wee Nugget up for the first time, mysisterwhoeatspoofortwo said, “Say hello to your Uncle Monkey Pants.”

I can live with that.

Without any consultation with her vastly more experienced and worldly brother, it seems that my wee little sister (whoeatspoo) has come to the conclusion that she has it in her to continue our genetic line.

In fact — as evidenced by her progressively expanding belly region — it seems that she has executed Plan: Sweeney Incrementation 2007.

Damn. Now I have SO MUCH TO DO.

I better start making a list.

Things to Teach Impending Sweeney Nugget

• Tree climbing.
• Tree falling-out-of.
• What words are always funny (“poo”, “pee”, “bum”) and what words are only funny some of the time (“audit”, “colonoscopy”, “ringworm”).
• DIY archery.
• The sublime joy of permanent markers.
• A bad Cockney accent.
• How to reformat a parent’s hard-drive. With or without their permission.
• The Rhino Song.
• Vacuuming. (What? Someone has to do it.)
• Rules of comedy.
• The proper use of stage directions in a blog post.

Oh… this list has just begun…

Man. This is going to be HARD WORK.

…

Psst.

Sis?

[Looks side-to-side.]

I can’t wait.

[Jumps up and down in gleeful anticipation.]

What’s this?

[Heavenly trumpets sound.]

MMmmMMMMmmmMMMmmAAAaaah sooooo goood oh! that’s a dark chocolate chip! oh yeah this thing’s almost a brownie! savour it savour this thing don’t rush it your body’s not used to the good stuff you don’t wanna cramp take your time breathe just breeeeeeathe in out in out that’s it slooooowly chew it real good break that cookie DOWN good work Jason you can do it you will master this cookie you will make this cookie your bitch O Sweet Lord of Cookies I will never doubt you nor the power and tastiness of your holy avatar the mighty Cookie all hail the great LORD OF COOKIE ohohohohohoh gonna black out there are TWO OF THEM THIS IS NOT A SINGLE COOKIE BEFORE ME THIS IS TWO TWOTWOTWOTWOTWO COOKIES mmwahmmwahmmwah oh freaking YES screw savouring it’s BEEN TOO LONG MWAHMWAHMWAHMWAHMWAAAAAAAH-

[Crumbs fly in a deadly barrage. The magnetic poles reverse. Birds plummet from the sky. Whales crawl onto land. Bloggers stop posting pictures of cats. Mass pandemonium.]

[Silence. A single feather floats down.]

Oh yeah.

I’m back, baby.

[Holds up glowing fist of power. Heavenly trumpets kick in with an awesome encore.]